Tummy Time

Ok, there was this mock ad on SNL from May of '03 for a product called "Mom Jeans".

You know you've seen a woman wearing 'em. You know you've laughed or cringed and thought, "Oh my god, can't she see how bad her stomach looks in those?"
I used to laugh.

Until it happened to ME.

I know why they wear them. I know why ALL jeans look like "Mom Jeans" on moms.
It's the pouch. Whatever happens to your stomach after the birth of your child once most of the baby weight is gone and you're starting to wear some old clothing again.

There may be a temporary solution: High waisted jeans.

Eeeeeeeeeeeeeew! High-waisted jeans are for moms!
I hated them all my life and when low-waisted and low-rider jeans became the norm, I was ecstatic. I remember in highschool and college, trying to wear my pants low and it looked ridiculous because they were mostly all highwaisted so there was all this extra fabric in the crotch.

The low-waisted jean was my salvation. Couldn't get enough of 'em and when Levi's introduced "Super Low", I was beside myself with glee. What took them so long? Yippeeee!

They're sitting in a storage bag along with some Tilt and Gap jeans I'm not wearing.

Two weeks ago I found myself in Kohl's wanting desperately to go into the Women's section to try on some "regular" jeans. Wait is it called Misses ? "Woman" is for plus-size women. See? I don't even know what department is what. I just know where the high and low waisted jeans can be found. But I always shopped in the Juniors section.

I couldn't do it. I couldn't go there. I didn't look for a comfortable, nice looking pair of jeans. I fought with myself the way you see an actor arguing with his/her computer generated twin or imaginary friend and ended up buying a pair of boots.

I'm 7 months postpartum and everyone says you need like a year to get back most or all of your old body (or whatever's salvagable?). I don't want to give in and go get something safe until I really know what my body is going to look like! But I'll tell ya, if I saw me walking around with my belly potentially hanging precariously close to "over" my low-jeans, I'd want me in a pair of Lee jeans, tout suite!

And you know what else? It's not just how they look. It's what they mean.
Your old clothes don't fit quite right, do they?
You don't really want to wear them either, do you?
Somehow, it doesn't feel quite appropriate to wear a baby doll t-shirt that says "Kitten". I'm a "Mom" now. It looks a bit childish to wear such a thing when I'm responsible for this little person who depends on me for everything except breathing and pooping.

It feels awkward to wear a low cut top. You risk flashing the world anyway - I don't know about your baby, but mine has started pulling on my clothes and sticking his hand down my shirt when I wear a V-neck. And seriously, even though I can kind of wear some low waisted jeans under long shirts, I resist. All the bending and squatting to lift, carry and move the baby around can potentially result in more crack sightings than at a plumber's convention.

When I was in the hospital why didn't they show me pictures of what my tummy was gonna look like and instructions or a pamphlet on "Your New Mommy Body"? They had no problems grabbing my breasts and poking me and throwing Spencer at me (not literally) and invading my room at all ungodly hours of the night, so why not tell me what I might expect after my incision healed and I was up and at 'em?

So many questions...

A Diaper Bag Haiku

Satchel that eludes;
Carry our stuff with ease
Look like a million bucks

Kvetching...

I now have maybe 4 different bags going.
I am deeply tormented.
Could it be a distraction from the rest of life? Who knows.

But here's the new dilemma:
Spencer is growing and growing.
How much longer will I need this bag?
I'll freakin' buy the bag and then I won't need it anymore.
I'm sick from it. SICK I tell you!

Oh no wait, I'm stir crazy because Spencer has been sick since his 6 month appt on 11/29. He had diarrhea (I hate that word. I can NEVER spell it right the first time) and then got a cold too. We've been home ALOT lately.

In the meantime, if you or anyone you know has any information about that Kalencom bag or you've seen a review, PLEASE contact me immediately!

Of Diaper Bags and The Blow Out

Ok, one quick thing about a diaper bag, cause I think I may have found IT.
I need help though.
Here's the bag:




It's by a company called Kalencom. I linked to it in case the image doesn't show here.

I really like it, but I don't know anyone who has one, nor do I know where I can go see it for myself. I don't wanna order it and then not like it and have to return it!!!

SO, if you know someone who has this bag, or you've seen it (do not confuse this with the Mothership Bag by Fleurville - see my other post about that one) in person, PLEASE contact me IMMEDIATELY! Thank you.

Ok, now on to the Blow Out...

I don' t have a whole lot to say, cause it's just gross and I don't feel like rehashing how my son's butt burned out my nasal passages, but I think I have mastered removing the diaper without getting poop on clothes. Here's what I did, for those who seem to be doing way more laundry than they'd like:

• Carry the baby to the changing area like a football - don't hold her up in your arms with arms around under her butt - you're going to smush it all around in there!
• When you get the baby there, keep him standing up (if standing) and take off shoes, socks, pants/bottoms and unsnap onesie if wearing one. Pull up any shirts and/or onesie.
• Put wipes down on changing surface under baby while holding her still standing. DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT her sit or lie down now(on back or tummy!). You're still risking major nastiness.
• Carefully undo his diaper. If you have to hold his arms down, just keep your arms around him as you do it (my son has a habit of grabbing his "boys" whenever the diaper comes off). Since you can't see what's in there yet, it's better safe then sorry. Pull the diaper down and away.
• Grab another wipe, try to get what you can off the baby and then lay her gently down on the changing surface with her butt on the wipe you laid out.
• Get to work and clean up that baby!

Ok so I'm all impressed with my new skill. I bet I'm the only one who hadn't figured it out. This week was the first time he ever had it happen, so I have an excuse. Wish I could put one of those idiotic toothy smiley faces here now. Instant Messenger has messed me all up for good.

Oh, a passing thought...
Does the pediatrician's office keep a record of every time you call, even when nothing comes of it? Just wondering...

The Perfect...
Part I: Diaper Bag

I can't find it. I simply cannot. How can childbirth and childrearing be the oldest institution next to prostitution and the bag does not exist?
Could it be that Google is imperfect and does not know how to find me this wondrous contraption? Is it only created for haute couture runway shows and bigtime celebrities?
Does Madonna have one? If she does then so does Gwynneth.
Then Julia will have TWO for her twins. Bitches.

I bet if Oprah did she'd have given them away to her whole audience by now.
Well actually, she did give one away - I think it was the "Mothership" bag by Fleurville

I warn you, I am obsessed. I am likely to ramble on here, so if you don't give a toot about diaper bags, move on.

Here are the problems with that bag:
1. Flap closure - too much work when you need to get to something fast.
2. No zipper closure to main compartment - Not secure from prying hands
3. Non-adjustable strap - We need that flexibility for different activities
4. No separate compartment for mom's stuff OR detachable bag for mom
5. Price - It's $160.00. I'm sorry but that's discouraging

These 5 things in variation are usually the main deficiencies in all bags. And if it's not one of these things, it's size or style. Some of the most organized bags are REALLY ugly and boring.

This is about the closest thing I've found so far: Loom Bandicoot
It's still too small though!

Here's the one I have: Skip Hop
It's not bad, but there are zipper compartments at the top and anything wide inside those pockets makes it hard to get to anything inside the main compartment. Also, it's taller than it is wide so everything sits on top of eachother. I think that makes the bag feel heavier, and it doesn't stand on it's own very easily.

I could go on and on about this. I usually do every night - I've found myself online just searching. Last night I even went international - looking for Nappy Bags and Changing Bags (that's the terms for them in the UK). I need help. I really do.

I have figured that by the time I actually find this bag, Spencer will be done with diapers, so is there even a point?

With a bit of a mind flip
You're into the time slip.
And nothing can ever be the same.
You're spaced out on sensation.
Like you're under sedation...

Let's do the time-warp again!

Well, that about encompasses my life from my last post until some time in September.

I may start a separate "chapter" about the lovely effects of Post Partum Depression, but I've decided that in this journal, it doesn't have a place. There are too many ridiculous events, anecdotes and observations for me to spend time bemoaning the loss of my mind for two or three months due to hormonal imbalances.

Some say having PPD (that's the cool way to say PostPartum Depression by the way) is just like having a disease or broken bone. You treat it and you get better and it heals. Well I think I'm off the crutches now and out of bed. I just get some soreness and when it rains I can feel it in my joints...?

Well since I don't remember all that much about the end of the summer, let's start fresh, shall we? I'm sure I'll have flashbacks as we go along.

Stay tuned for My Adventure with Spencer.

Glad to be back!

Blues Clues

I read that 60-80 percent of moms get Baby Blues - mild erratic behavior and crying in the first few weeks postpartum, and that another 20 percent will develop some version of full on depression. I figured the Baby Blues was inevitable - remember the scene in Look Who's Talking when Kirstie Alley is watching a Hallmark commercial and is crying? I was sure that would be me. I actually did cry once at a commercial during my pregnancy.

Now it's 10 weeks later and I cry because I let my son watch "Elmo's World" on Sesame Street. I cry because I miss palling around with my dog. I cry because I don't look like a cute, sassy 34 year old in my Beetle - there's a teddy bear mirror in the backseat for the carseat. I cry because the only going "out" I do is to the supermarket. The other night, I was so mental, my husband sent me to Borders to get a book about Buddhism. I'll be "reflecting" on things for awhile.

Here are a few things to watch for if you haven't already been frequenting Postpartum Support Web sites...

• A feeling similar to stage fright that happens after someone else has been watching the baby and is now leaving you alone
  
• Jealousy when your partner seems to be getting more smiles from the baby than you do
• Guilt feelings over things like letting the baby sleep "too long" after a feeding because you were doing something around the house or taking "too long" a long shower when your partner is clearly home and happy to be with the baby
• They say rest when your baby does and you laugh maniacally because when will you get the laundry done, shower, eat, pee, etc?
• A physical urge to run as far away from your house as you can and never look back
  
• A compelling need to powwow with other moms

What's funny is that I'm trying to think of more clever things to say but they appear really serious, so what I think I'm trying to say overall is that it may not just be "Blues".
Sheesh, that's serious too.

I think what I can say at this point is that the way I feel now will be alot funnier in a few months. How's that?

Tick Tock

I'm afraid to write right now. My son is asleep in the next room, but I hear noises through the audio monitor and I'm terrified he'll wake up before I've had a chance to take care of a couple of other things I have to do. I'd like to get a nap in too.

It's 950pm. Guy is working - he has a hearing, a brief due and union negotiations tomorrow. Spencer and I have Yoga. Seems like nothing doesn't it?

I was just reading over my posts from BS - Before Spencer. It seems like years ago. We had family over today and were talking about an email Guy sent to our respective mothers a couple of days after we came home from the hospital. He said it seemed like years ago.

My concept of time has changed forever. There isn't any. There's too much. It moves too fast and it moves too slowly.

If I don't have plans I go crazy, if I have plans, nothing gets done at home. I have to prioritize what I can do now and what I can do with a baby in my arms. I have to estimate when I can pump or should pump in relation to when Spencer might need to feed at night or when I can put him someplace for 15 minutes.

I need to start tracking when he eats and sleeps because in a week he starts daycare twice a week. I'm going back to work mid-August, but I'll have 4 days where he'll be out of this house for 6 hours and I have nothing planned for myself. What will I do during that time?

We spend most of our time now discussing him or my mental state - I'm dealing with some postpartum issues and that's time consuming too...

It's amazing how anxious I was to have my son. I was in such a hurry to get him out because I was so uncomfortable. I have lost a good deal of my pregnancy weight, carpal tunnel gone, I can wear my wedding rings, and I can almost fit back in most of my old shoes. Time is slowly bringing my body back...I don't know if I'll ever look the same, but at least I'm feeling a little more human now that I can wear regular underwear again.It's time to dump the "granny" panties.

I've spent 10 + minutes writing. I made the choice to take my precious free time and use it to document the changes of the moment - although there are so many I need much more time to get into what's happening. Cryptic, eh?
No time to elaborate. Maybe when he starts truly sleeping through the night...

New Parent Central UPDATE!

A coupla weeks ago I listed some helpful tips, etc.
I mentioned the use of Kleenex as a good pee blocker for your new little man.
Well, it couldn't be more timely...one of the gals in the playgroup I joined recommended this little product: The Weeblock.   

It's hilarious and I think I need one.

Just thought I'd get it on here quick for anyone who's discovered WMU (Weapons of Mass Urination) in their homes.

:)

"Who Is They?"

Pregnant women pay attention:

When you have information to discuss with your significant other about advice you've been given, or research you've found, or helplful hints you read in a magazine, BE PREPARED TO BACK IT UP.

During a "playgroup"** walk with some other new mommies yesterday, I learned that I was not the only one forced on the defensive when trying to tell my husband something we should or shouldn't be doing for the baby.

Guy is an attorney - more specifically a trial lawyer, so it isn't surprising that he can be argumentative when I try to present other ways of doing things. But, when I heard that all the other moms present were experiencing the same thing with their partners, I realized there must be more to it than professional background.

Noone wants to be told they're doing something wrong. Now add a "with a baby" to that sentence. Now change it to "with THEIR baby", and it's pretty hot stuff. If you try to tell your mate it's not a good idea to mix milk and formula and feed it to the baby, you better know clinically why, and where you got the information and you should probably know how recently the source reported it.

If you don't have the facts, you better be prepared to eat your words and go back to playing "i got your nose" with the baby for now. Your mate will look at you like you're nuts and tell you there is no justification for what you've said and you will be dismissed. Invoking "a Mother's Intuition" is useless here and will only be acceptable when you've solved something without your partner's involvement, so don't even go there.

You'll be tired and cranky and emotional and post-partumed and feel like it's not fair for your partner to treat you with such disdain, but it's only your partner's way of trying to feel in control of the situation, seeing as how you carried your baby for 9 months and may have a stronger connection in some ways. Plus, your partner may have had more sleep than you and may be more able to think clearly, so it's not necessarily a bad thing to be challenged.

Ugh, when did this become an advice column?
Anyway, just be careful when presenting new information. That's all I'm sayin'.

_______________________________
**"Playgroup" - All of our babies are barely old enough to keep their heads up and can only focus on us for about 10 minutes straight; they can't even really see other babies yet. The term "playgroup" is used here to define a group of new mothers getting together with their babies, who are in strollers. The mommies walk and talk while the babies nap and look cute.

Preparing to Merge

Yesterday was my first social/learning activity with Spencer with other mommies. We started YogaBabies class. It's down in South Philly and it went really well despite the wicked standstill backup on 76 (typical and sucky).

Imagine that - I'm on my way to yoga class for spiritual and physical improvement and I'm challenged by insane traffic patterns on the way. A real test of fortitude for sure. Not to mention that Spencer starting crying 'cause we weren't moving.

Have I mentioned I have control issues? It's becoming more and more evident.
If I get anything out of motherhood besides all the standard stuff, it'll be an overhaul of my...hmmm, what do I call it? My...psychiatric state? My well-being? Ah, I know...My capacity to tolerate the unknown.

What's really funny is how desperate I am to talk with other moms - to commiserate on topics far and wide, to trade tips and advice, to make plans to get together more often with our little ones to while away the hours as they grow and learn. When I got to the class and a fellow classmate asked how old Spencer was, I was elated. I felt like I was someplace I was supposed to be. The other moms looked like me! I've really been in the house too long.

Last week we went to a local park and I spread out a blanket and put him on it with me while I read, etc. Another mom showed up with who I think was her mother and a little baby... I found myself sitting up to check out what was going on - they were like 100 yards away. I wondered "Will they see me? Will they come over?" I mean nothing could be more ridiculous; I was sitting in the middle of the park on the grass under a tree with Spence, and they were yards away on the walking path, sitting on a bench. There was no reason at all for there to be interaction, other than my curiosity and need to interact. I held Spencer up to look around and in the back of my mind was going "I wonder if they'll see that I have 'one' like they do and come over" -like I was showing him off like a little prize or a beacon.

Then I started wondering about protocols when meeting other moms. When is appropriate to approach one? How long do you talk before you decide you want to meet for a playdate or something? How do you know you even have anything you want to socialize about other than your babies? Do all new moms have these questions and feel this way? In class yesterday the one mom who asked about Spencer was really cool and in the back of my head I was thinking "I'd like to ask her to hang out" ...and I'd JUST met her! This doesn't happen in life regularly when you're out. I think it's a mom thing, or something. Or, I'm just insane.

Well, today I'll get to find out jusst how insane I really am. Today we're going to a "playgroup". Hilarious really because the most playing Spence is doing these days involves staring at the overhead fan in the kitchen and smiling and half-laughing like a fiend.

Spence had his first giggle on July 10. It's so friggin cute - his little mouth opens, lips thin out and form a heart shape, his tongue sticks out a little and his eyes squint and this little "HA" sound comes out - and he wriggles his body. He's so cute. I can't stand it. He's cuter than the kids in the yoga class. I can't help it. Do all mothers think this? I mean other kids are cute, but he's just SO cute. He's the perfect baby. I'm sorry, but he is. Maybe when he's older I won't feel this way, but right now I'm really convinced.

He's sleeping right now - friggin cutie. I love my little bug.

New Parent Central (or More Enlightenment)

Now that I'm an experienced parent of over one month (HAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!), I'm heading into straight on "advice"** territory....

-Get a small screwdriver. Get a flat head and a phillips head.
Why? All the battery operated toys, mobiles, sleep aids and monitors have removable panels with screws. No simple clip on panels here folks. The makers are worried your child will develop an taste for Duracell.

-If you're going to use a Baby Bjorn or some other kind of non-sling baby carrier, it's a good idea to have pants for the baby - to protect little legs from chafing and/or getting cold. Also, see my last item about socks...

-Boppy or some other horseshoe shaped pillows are key for feeding and holding the baby. They support the baby around you and they are also good to prop him/her up on their own. I highly recommend this purchase.

-Your baby has ear wax and long fingernails and toe cheese just like you do. Remember to gently clean and clip the baby. I mean besides the baths you give them...it's "detailing" for humans.

-Kleenex=Best way to prevent pee attacks (unless they've created a baby penis shield to put on boys during diaper changes). Stock up on Kleenex if you have a son and keep them by your diaper changing area. Guy would have been blind and/or dead the other day if urine was a weapon. Spencer peed in his face and all over him because he did not have the Kleenex at the ready.

-Breastfeeding?
Find nursing bras in colors if you can. Currently the standard is white for some reason. Perhaps the makers and corporate buyers of nursing bras think we're all virginal and only walk around in pretty nursing gowns all day, but see how pretty YOU feel with big chunk white bra straps leering out from beneath that cute summery top(that actually fits your newly preg-less shape). Here's a company that makes them in colors: Bravado.
I just bought two on sale at Belly Maternity (Read the article about them in Philadelphia Business Journal) on 16th & Pine in Center City, and they ROCK.

-Back exercises: Do them NOW. Do them often. Do whatever you can. You will use your back more than any other muscle in your body, other than your mouth. I am not referring to labor. I am referring to the fact that you are now the moving and carrying mechanism for your baby. You may also be the rocking-to-sleep mechanism and you will be on your feet quite a bit with this new little load on your hands.

-Do not decide the baby's feeding schedule in the middle of the night when one spouse/partner is asleep.

-When you go to the doctor's office, you'll have to wait to see the doctor so be prepared for crying, etc. Bring something to do maybe. Also, bring a blanket to the doctor's office. They make you undress the baby to his diaper and it's cold in there and they make you wait in the exam room too.
(Why should it be any different from when you go yourself?)

-Make sure you can fit the baby's stroller/travel system into the car.
(We have a VW Beetle and didn't realize it wouldn't fit until it was too late)

-Baby socks should have elastic around the openings. Little "footies" don't stay on; they get cast off by little baby feet.

________________________________________________
**Disclaimer: "Advice", meaning suggestions from my personal experience. I am not a professional advice-giver, nor do I profess to be. Take this "advice" at your own risk. It's not my fault if you like wearing nursing gowns or get injured by a renegade baby sock.

EXPECT THE UNEXPECTED

Spencer and I have been going for daily walks around the neighborhood.

Two days ago, on the way to a small local park, I passed a woman walking a toddler in a stroller. She was very polite to move aside on the sidewalk so I could pass and I pondered the possibility of a social interaction, seeing as how we were both women walking children in strollers in the park and everyone tells me walking your infant in a stroller is more of a social thing for adult than for the baby. Minutes later, I stopped along the path in the park to nudge Spencer out of his stroller stupor to see if he'd take in any of the sights around him.

The woman approached with the toddler happily sucking away on a sippy cup.

The woman cooed at Spencer from just behind our park bench, and with what sounded like a Jamaican accent, asked "Ah you tryin' ta wake 'im up?"

"Yes", I said, smiling. "He was awake all night and I'm trying to move his nap schedule to a little later in the day".

"Awww, let 'im sleep.", she responded sweetly.

My spider senses tingled and I suspected that besides being obnoxious for giving a complete stranger advice about what to do with a child, this woman had other things on her mind...

She came over with the young lady in the stroller, who happened to be very adorable with big brown eyes and brown curly hair. I think she was about 2.
She sat down next to me and we proceeded to have a conversation I cannot remember now due to sleep deprivation and general lack of interest, but the subject of sleep schedules came up and she did mention that this toddler's parent tried different things with sleep as well, and also gave me a brief rundown of the little girl's sleep schedule. I correctly surmised that this woman was the toddler's nanny, and winced internally with the thought of what might come next in our conversation.

Then she dropped the bomb: "So do you have a babysitter?"

Luckily for her I anticipated such a question and didn't skip a beat. "Nope, it's just me for now. I'm not working. Just enjoying my time with him. But thanks for asking". We exchanged a few more pleasantries and then I made like a tree and got out of there.

EEEEEYECCCHHHHHH!

Could I have felt any more awkward?
Maybe, if she'd handed me a BROCHURE!
A sales pitch in the middle of a park with little ones around? Oy.
Nevermind that she was so keen to just drop advice on me without being asked.
Who told her that uninvited expression of your opinion is a good way to make an impression on a potential client?

So now I can add pushy nannies to my list of annoying things; along with spam, telemarketers, flyers on my car, and junk mail.

------------------------------------

Yesterday I took Spencer to see his daddy at work.
It's a little drive into Center City which Spencer has not seen yet cause he always sleeps in the car. Funny how everything I seem to do with him involves him sleeping through it.

Anyway, I parked in the garage near Guy's office, got Spence all set up in his stroller and we made our way two blocks to the building on Walnut where he keeps shop. Standing in the elevator in Guy's building, some young women got in with us and remarked at Spencer's cuteness (How could you not? He's gorgeous). Two got out on one floor, leaving just me and one other woman in the elevator.
"How old is he?"
"Six weeks" said I, smiling like a dope as usual. "He's my big boy."
"Wow", she said, looking at him again. "First time mother?"
"Yup" I said, still smiling goofily.

Then as her floor approached, she inquired, "So how do you like Motherhood?"

HUH? I didn't know what to say. It's like having someone ask you "So, how do you feel about God versus Evolution?" Who has the time to answer a question like that quickly in an elevator?

As I stumbled to find words, the doors opened on her floor. Suddenly, it felt like someone smacked me on the back of the head and I blurted out: "I love it!"

She smiled and got off and I think she said "Good for you" or "Good luck" or some other congratulatory remark. I smiled and waited for the doors to close again, at which time I believe my face scrunched up into a full squint.

I was dumbfounded. How did I like Motherhood?
Why was I not prepared to answer this question without rolling my eyes?
The only thing I could think was that it was hard and a little overwhelming right now.
I was not about to say this to a total stranger, anymore than I was about to hire someone I met in the park to be my son's caretaker.

Sales pitches I can handle, but semi-rhetorical questions about parenting have got me scrambling. How does having a child make you a target for probing inquiries into your existence? Does someone do this to every new mom?
I can tell you all you want to know about poop and bathing and socks, but please do not ask me to tell you what I think about all this. My head might explode.

Maybe once I get used to my husband's breathing next to me in bed again(currently it eliminates my ability to hear my son in the next room and makes me insane), I'll be able to think about what I think of my life as a mom.

I will say with confidence that I totally and completely love my baby boy.
So for now, if he is the definition of Motherhood, then I love it for sure.

Getting the Hang of It?

I'm a little down today because I'm feeling better.

Yesterday I took Spencer into work to see Guy. It was a good little trip and I haven't been in Center City for awhile. I certainly noticed there were all these people out at lunch and it was amazing how many people weren't with children.

I'm chatting with my husband online as I write this and I was just saying to him that I missed being childless. I noted my lack of funds and how it was too hot to go anywhere today and also how I didn't have anywhere to go with Spencer right now and that maybe next week I could walk him around the mall in the stroller. He said this: "...you need to see thngs differently than you do, there are parks the river towns all kinds of places, but you think in terms of malls..."

Damn.
That's frigging profound.
My whole perspective on activity needs to include another person now.

We've also been talking about my role and how Spencer is not just my son but my job. My job that doesn't seem to end when Guy comes home. That sucks. I now have developed much more respect for stay-at-home moms. I mean, I don't know if it gets easier or harder or how much it depends on you and the child, but this is really hard. It's even harder to keep it in perspective.

When I was pregnant, I would say "Well, it's not like I'll have anywhere else to be. I will dedicate myself to my baby boy. How hard can that be?"
I was right - I DON'T have any place else to be. This really doesn't have to be a big deal. or DOES it? It's all about that delicate matter of perspective. The challenge of all this isn't about parenting, per se. It's about keeping your whole life in perspective - your future goals, your past, your hang-ups, your stress points, your desires, your freedom, your fears...it all changes. It has to change.

We interrupt this ponderance for a Mental Fart:

Right now I'm listening to a music channel on the satellite instead of watching tv. It's called "Soundscapes". You can pretty much guess what it is...atmospheric, often Celtic flavored sounds and music, to place yourself in that foresty-earthy-fairy-like "Lord of the Rings" type mood. I put it on because one of those child development books suggests music or sounds like it to have on around the baby. Spencer is napping away in his bouncy seat to the beat of a harp and flute. Right now there's a flutey version of something that reminds me of "She's Leaving Home" by the Beatles. If you're interested, it's called "Gardens of the Sun" by someone or some group called Georgia Kelly. Oy vey.

Oh also, today I watched Days of Our Lives for the first time in like 10 years or more. Acting=BAD, Plot Lines=Really Bad, Makeup=THE WORST!
I swear, one actor's face and neck were one flesh color and his chest was reddish - his real skin tone. It was painful to see. Then again, I watched Dr. Phil yesterday. How do they get all that makeup around that mustache? Yech. People on TV wear so much makeup, it's astounding. I've done some on camera work and it's incredible how much makeup they put on you. Everytime I watch tv and people hug, I wonder how they keep from getting makeup on eachother's clothing.

Know who else wears too much makeup? Bob Barker. I've taken to Price is Right. I don't know why, but it's fun to try to figure out how much hot tubs, old school styled bedroom sets and trips to Tahiti cost. People are dumb though. When the final bid showdown comes up, people almost always underbid by thousands and thousands. How much do you think a new Ford SUV and trip to say Puerto Vallarta in Mexico cost? At LEAST 30K, right? People on the show bid like 20K and think they're close when Bob reads 43K on the card.
Ahhh, if only I was the bidder!

It's time to wake up Spencer from his afternoon nap. He really is a little angel baby. We decided this last night. Now if only he'd poop.

Nice Lungs(Continued) and Baby Zen

I've been spending quite alot of time getting to know my son.
One real challenge has been learning his cries.
All the books about child rearing have paragraphs dedicated to fussiness and crying. One thing I see repeatedly is how I am supposed to be able to tell the difference between hungry cries, pain cries, fussy cries, "change my diaper" cries, and so forth.

So far I can tell when his diaper is wet and when he's hungry. Everything else sounds like he's in incredible pain or hates me (see post below from Sunday for more on relentless crying).

Last night, Guy was working late so I took on dinner and caring for Spence while we waited. Magically at around 630pm, Spencer started what I refer to as "Something Is Bothering Me But For The Life of Me I Don't Know What" crying. He was off and on with the crying and by 8pm I had to take drastic measures or I would not have dinner ready for Guy. I read an article on crying and fussiness from the Mayo Clinic on CNN.com

I put Spence down in his bassinet and planned to leave him there for 15-20 minutes to see if he'd cry himself to sleep or calm down. I had the baby monitor on in the kitchen and watched Crying Spencer TV for 20 minutes while making spaghetti. It was intensely frustrating to say the least. Why would I subject myself to this? I don't know. I couldn't turn it off. He'd cry and scream and then calm down, take a few breaths and start all over again. Now THAT'S reality tv.

At the end of the 20 minutes I made Guy and I a plate of food each, wrapped in in tin foil and ran upstairs to check Spencer and make sure all was well other than the screaming. As I picked him up to check his diaper, Guy came home. Spencer seemed calm and normal to him, which is of course how it works when you're home all day with your baby. However, Spencer did calm just enough for us to eat and then operated on "semi-fussy" mode until his next feeding at 930.

My experience suggests that it may have been ok to let him cry. My gut and emotional oversensitivity suggests that it might be smart to take a Percoset 20 minutes before I do it again so that I don't feel like a terrible mother.

I've been so wrapped up in the day-to-day minutiae that I've had trouble getting to write about the little things...like today when I took him to the doctor for a check up (11.5 lbs and 23 inches, thank you very much) and he was a perfect little angel the whole time, and then took him to visit my old boss and he seemed to take to new environments without a fuss. I'm proud of my little man. Or how in the mornings I wake up bleary and tired but then my son's little adorable face is awake and bright and I'm filled with a ton of love for him like I can't explain.

There's also something Guy said that really stuck with me relating to my own personal neuroses: When you have a baby there are things that have to be done. There can be no worrying or projecting about it, it just has to be done and that's all there is. It makes one much calmer ultimately because there's no time to alternately wonder and worry. So, what will I do if he gets hungry when we're out? Feed him. What will I do if his diaper is wet? Change him. How and Where and When, etc. will fall into place. With a baby, certain things just are, and that's all.



Sunday June 13
Nice Lungs

It is 850pm, Sunday night. My son has been in his bassinet crying for the last 15-20 minutes. My husband and I are letting him cry. Guy has a hearing on Tuesday he has to prepare for and I am exhausted and need to rest cause he has to be in at work early tomorrow morning and neither of us can figure out what needs to be done for our son.

We're hating ourselves. Spencer has been fed, taken for a walk, changed repeatedly, put in warm clothes and swaddled. If we pick him up to carry him around he stops crying briefly then starts again. It's amazing.

I once had a voice teacher who explained to me how when we're children, our voices are pure and unaffected by self-consciousness; we scream with abandon when we have needs, regardless of who hears us. Our voices are strong because they come from deep within us and we have no conscious plan to scream. It just comes as we breathe. Amazingly as we grow and become self-aware, we also lose a little of our voices because thought comes into it - how loud we speak, how we hold our bodies: Women more specifically because of the attention brought by our upper bodies. Women actually tend to be a little more protective and hunch the shoulders.

Right now, my son is screaming and crying with that abandon and it's breaking my heart. I want to hold him and comfort him and I know it won't really do any good, will it? My instincts tell me to go to him and I have no idea if I'm spoiling him or not. It's killing me. Time to call some friends for a consensus...

All Roads Lead to Fussytown

Parenting an infant means today may very well be absolutely NOTHING like the day before.

Yesterday Spencer spent almost the entire day crying to the point of utter hysteria. The normal obsession with his bladder and colon behavior became consumption as he did not have a movement all day. I cursed Guy for changing formulas in the middle of the night (he seems to take measures I do not approve of when I am sleeping), and cursed the whole day as I could not take a shower or really do anything without crying. I couldn't leave his side basically and it was horrible - I could have let him cry cause everyone tells you to - that infants just need to cry, but I couldn't stand it. I worried that something was hurting or making him uncomfortable and I didn't want him to be alone. I was like a zombie by the time Guy came home and he insisted that I take time for myself and actually go somewhere. I didn't know if I could actually leave the house, but then he pooed. This relieved me so much I cried. Infact, I sobbed with joy.

I then went out for my first drive alone since I was pregnant. It's been almost a month since I drove my car. It was weird getting out. I felt like an astronaut landing on the moon. It was also 9pm at night and I was exhausted.

All I wanted to do was pick up some wheat bread. On two separate occasions during my recovery and seclusion, both my mother and my husband tried to go out and get some wheat bread with the groceries and they both brought back the kind which is full of grainy nuggets.
YUCK.

First stop was Borders, where Guy and I should be treated like royalty at this poing for all the money we've spent there over the last 5 years. I walked in and as I made my way to the magazine rack to look for Q, I suddenly realized I haven't read anything (save an article in the NY Times about David Sedaris while eating a bowl of cereal) in like two weeks.
I walked around the store trying to imagine what I would possibly be sitting down to enjoy any time soon. I bought some poetry by Bukowski (it is my mission to own every book of his), Sid & Nancy and This Is Spinal Tap on DVD. Oh, and some thank you cards, and a little book for Spencer. Normally I'd figure out all sorts of stuff, but I couldn't really think. I felt I'd be more useful if I went and picked up groceries we needed. I don't think I've ever been so conscious of my use of time.

Going to the supermarket seemed much more logical when all was said and done.
Especially since I couldn't get the wheat bread out of my mind. I also picked up more pacifiers since the ones we have keep finding refuge in Guy's bathrobe pockets. I think I could probably spend much more time at Superfresh or Genuardis than in Borders.

When I came home, Spencer was sleeping and Guy was working. I was delerious.
Guy thought he'd discovered that Spencer absolutely prefers to be wrapped up tightly in a bundle. It seems to make him go to sleep. Not sure though. Every day we think we've figured out what it is that will keep him from screaming bloody murder. One day it's the sling. The next day it's a pinky. The day after that, Extreme Swaddling, today, I think it's the combination of all those things.

I will not acknowledge the "mix and match" formula and milk feedings as contributing to Spencer's ability to nap today. It appears I will have to stay up all night to make sure his late night feedings are kept consistent, otherwise, some people in this house might try Absinthe and hot chocolate.

One good note: We gave him his third bath last night, and he didn't cry a note. He was the perfect baby in the bath. I think mothers are more predisposed to osteoporosis due to the amount of shoulder shrugging they do.
It's all we seem to be able to do with these strange little lovey beings in our midst turning everything we know upside down.

Fashion Note for the day: Mothers need the fashionable equivalent of the toolbelt. Most sweatpants and leisurely outfits for home don't have pockets so you need something to be able to carry things like tissues and pacifiers etc. when you're up and about the house.

"Enlightenment"

Here are some "new mom proverbs" I wish to impart to you...

-When you find yourself in the bathroom brushing your teeth and realize you're in no hurry to check on the baby because someone else has him/her, pause and reflect.

-There are no support Web sites for Cesarean sections, hence there are no "Simple Exercises for Women Who've Had Cesarean sections" pages or advice columns.

-You too may experience a "flop over belly" after giving birth. Do not be afraid.

-Television is only helpful during breastfeeding because you don't have to try to hold it.

-New mothers and fraternity brothers have something in common:
Women who nurse are advised to drink at least 16 ounces of water at every feeding. If you couldn't "shotgun" a beer in college, you will be able to soon, as guzzling water will become as much a habit as belching.

-Try to get outside.

-The A-Line** is a good shape.

-If suddenly it's completely quiet in the house, it means you should probably be napping.

-It is difficult to nurse and not expose yourself. Decide early on how you feel about showing the world your breasts. OR, wait until you're in the hospital and nurses will help you decide by pulling your breasts out in front of whoever else happens to be in the room when you're supposed to attempt nursing.

-Try not to "hover".

-Music used in documentaries, nature programs or dramas with touching interludes will very likely cause unexpected emotions and tears. It is your body's way of tuning in to the "Hallmark Moment". This does not mean you should start collecting Hummel figurines.

-Children are the future, AND they are also a massive cause of pollution.
Why? DIAPERS.

_____________________________________________
**An A-line (or Princess) waistline is fitted at the bodice and then flares out to the skirt. This is one of the few waistlines that compliments virtually any body type.

My Life's Little Mysteries, Part I


1. Why can't I figure out what my incision looks like?
When standing, I have folds of skin from the pregnancy which obscure a clear view of the incision. Plus, there aren't actual stitches, there are steri-tape closures which look an awful lot like long strips of mini packing tape. I've laid down on the bed with a hand mirror to check it out, and still can't tell. Is that a good thing?

2. Where will all this skin on my belly go?
I basically carried a 9 pound being inside me for about a month. My skin is all stretched out, man! My mother says it'll take a few months for it to all shrink back down, but I have my doubts. You've seen those makeover shows where someone's had a stomach stapling and his or her body looks more like a Sharpei's than a human's.

3. Why is my 2 week old capable of feeding** every hour and how are my breasts keeping up?
Over the last two days he's gone from feeding every 3-4 hours to every 1-2 hours and fussing like a maniac otherwise. They say infants don't have a set pattern for the first month... NO SH&@!!

3a. Why is my husband still not really able to fathom the biology behind breastfeeding?
YOU try to explain to him what happens if I miss feedings without pumping or some other kind of release...

4. How is it possible that your washing machine can back up into your toilet?
This is mystery that could easily be solved by our plumber, which leads to the next mystery on our list:

5. Why did the plumber say he was coming this morning and then not show up?
I would not want this person as a member of my family - I'd be worrying where he was all the time. I hope my son has a little more common sense than to tell me he'll "be there" if he can't be.
___________________________________________________
**Guy doesn't like it when I refer to my son's eating habits as "feeding". He thinks it makes Spencer sound like an alien.

Home Alone


Ok, I'm not alone alone, but Guy is working a full day today, so it's just me here with the little one (who by the way is two weeks and a day old!). He's asleep at the moment cause he kept his Daddy up late last night fussin'.

I think I actually got sleep but you wouldn't know by looking at me. I look like a zombie. Guy says we've been lucky til now and now we're like all the other sleep deprived, exhausted parents.

My mother spent a week with us and is coming back again tomorrow. I am REALLY happy about that. She did more laundry in one week than I usually do in like a month. And this "recovering" crap is making the laundry pile up, as my son goes through one to 3 outfits a day with wet diapers and sometimes sheets and covers on our bed. I mean, we put the changing pad on the bed to protect the bed, but when a WMU (Weapon of Mass Urination) lets loose, NO linens are safe.

Having a baby is making me a morning person and I don't know how happy I am about this development. For instance, Spencer is feeding every day between 6 and 8 am. I start to wake up from it because he tends to spend 10-20 minutes on one breast, fall into Milk Stupor for 5 to 30 minutes then either feed on the other breast or I give up and he goes back to his crib and I pump. Then as this feeding pattern dictates, I know he will most likely be napping until about 10-1030 so once he's "down" it's the opportune time to take a shower.
It's now 130 and I'm so sleepy. He makes my day go pretty fast though.
He'll wake up in about 20 minutes I think.


Things I wonder: How will it be in a month or two when he starts being awake longer and becomes more mobile? How will I shower then? Strap him into his bouncy seat and make him sit in the bathroom in the steam? Yuck. What about a trip to the loo? Will I make him sit in the bouncy seat in the loo while I'm on the toilet? Yuck!

Breastfeeding is weird. Even weirder is that Guy has not been really able to grasp how it works. Last week I tried to explain how pumping can take the place of a feeding but that either way I have to be awake. It wasn't all that complicated, but he looked at me like I was speaking Cantonese. Speaking of which, I could go for some Lo Mein or something where I have to use chopsticks.

Anyway, he admitted that he had no idea what I was talking about. I've since tried to explain, but he still gets a fog over his eyes and looks at me blankly. All he wants is an extra bottle of breastmilk to have handy so he doesn't have to if Spencer gets hungry in the middle of the night. He doesn't care how it gets in the fridge.

Pumping your breasts for milk. That's a trip in and of itself. There is milk coming out of my body. MILK! I'm a cow. Almost every time I pump, all I can think of is Robert DeNiro saying to Ben Stiller in Meet the Parents:
"I've got nipples Greg, could you milk me?"

Oh, tidbit: Boppy pillows ROCK. You need them for breastfeeding. I'm telling you that now, Moms To Be. That includes YOU Julia Roberts, and you might want TWO since you're apparently having twins. Oy vey. She had to outdo everyone didn't she? I wonder how much weight she'll gain. OH and she's shooting Oceans 12 right now! She's only 9 weeks pregnant as of this posting supposedly, so I bet she's a party to work with. I guess George Clooney won't be chatting her up too much right now, huh? Oh don't give me that, you KNOW they hooked up a little on the first film. How could she NOT? It's GEORGE CLOONEY. I wonder if she read for Out of Sight. It was a Soderbergh film afterall. No matter. J Lo totally did it justice, so I can't see anyone else in the role of Karen Sisco...

Yes, I'm delirious. Don't expect any orderly postings for awhile until some kind of rhythm gets established. Right now things are about as offbeat as they can be. (Picture me smiling a big toothy grin right now).

Hey have you seen any pictures of my son?

Sleepless in Philadelphia on Memorial Day


"Oh sleep! It is a gentle thing,
Beloved from pole to pole."
  -Samuel Taylor Coleridge

"My childhood should have taught me lessons for my own parenthood, but it didn't
because parenting can be learned only by people who have no children."
  -Bill Cosby


I'm BAAAAACK.

not.

Spencer is sleeping. Breastmilk (is that one word or two?) has an opium-like effect on him. During feeding he goes into a nod-like stupor, not easily shaken off except by diaper changes, nasal aspiration or sometimes states of undress.

Spencer sleeps quite alot, but not by any real predictable pattern yet. He also eats alot, pees alot (often times all over everything if Kleenex is not properly positioned during a diaper change) and poops alot. He doesn't cry alot, I will say that. He seems to be very specific about crying.

I am operating on an average of about 4 hours of sleep here and there. So is Guy. I think he's actually napping right now and that's a good thing.

I've been thinking about how I wanted to write this entry - I wanted to take on bullet points - issues and myths, etc. I can only come up with one right now:

SLEEP DEPRIVATION.

I was so totally convinced going in that I'd be able to handle the loss of sleep since I'm not working. I thought and said repeatedly to various friends and family: "It's not like I have anywhere to go, I'll be fine, just sleepy"
I was under the impression that it wouldn't really get to me.
WRONG!

I had a C-section and part of this process is recovery and I'm supposed to be resting. SO, I don't have anywhere to go (infact I'm not allowed to drive for at least another week + half), but I'm supposed to sleep and rest and recover. You try to "rest" when your two week old wakes up crying or fussing and needs attending to and your partner is asleep, out, outside or away from the walkie talkie (we have to use walkie talkies cause I'm not supposed to make trips up and down the stairs)

MYTH ADVICE: Get all the sleep you can in the hospital, it's the only time you'll really get to rest

THAT IS A LOAD OF CRAP. You will not sleep in a hospital room because:

1. If you have any kind of complications or a c-section, someone will be coming into your room almost hourly to take your vital signs.

2. If you don't have complications, someone will be coming into your room almost hourly in relation to the following:

• breastfeeding


• photographs


• dining menu during your stay


• snacks


• paperwork (i.e., shaken baby syndrome, birth certificate, breastfeeding)


• resident check ups


• OB check ups

Not to mention visits, phone calls, etc.

3. The walls of your room are paper-thin. I could hear my "neighbor" turning on and off the light near her bed. People are talking about something day and night and you can hear them. You will hear them when you try to sleep.

4. You may be nursing your baby on demand (they bring him/her in from the nursery every 3 hours or so) or have him/her rooming in with you, so you'll be listening to him/her breathing and making little noises and you'll be afraid to sleep because you don't want to sleep through his/her crying.

So, Moms To Be, get sleep NOW. Get it all now. Write yourself little notes about sleep you enjoyed and read them back to yourself. Get a good 10 hours for no reason at all, and when you wake up, just lie there and indulge the possibility that you might not want to get up just yet.

At the moment, I am having auditory hallucinations - I keep thinking I hear Spencer crying from his crib in the next room. I have gone in to check on him 3 times and he's asleep. Guy is sitting with me now. I think it's the first time we've just sat alone together in two weeks. It's nice. Moms to Be, make sure to spend some quality alone time with your partners. My boss told me to go out to dinner as much as possible while pregnant. I second that advice.

Now, all this being said, I'm still as happy as I have ever been. When you have a little one in the house, it makes it virtually impossible to think about any personal neuroses or other unimportant drivel. The only things you think about are sleep, diapers, nursing, the baby's comfort and food.

Having a baby is worth it. It's worth it. I promise.

You just have to lose some sleep, and in the process try to remember to sleep when you can, if you can and remember that you are sleep deprived and that's why everything feels so funky and that it will pass.

Here Comes the Sun

My son Spencer is 5 days old today. He was born Monday, May 17 at 8:07am at Lankenau Hospital.

There's so much to say I don't even know where to start.

Let me just try...

I now understand why parents act like idiots.
I understand why they let their kids literally get away with murder and commit other heinous atrocities.

My son is amazing. He's the cutest most handsomest baby I ever saw. At a bathing class at the hospital on Wednesday, one of the other new mothers volunteered her son for the bath. I took one look at him and instantly determined that my son was better looking and much more interesting. I have no idea why. Some insane pride kicked in from I don't know where.

Also, I noticed myself talking to her baby like I talk to mine when he fretted during the demonstration. Also a reflex I cannot recall ever having before. I may even have spoken to my husband that way on the day we returned home.

I am highly emotional and deeply moved by the events of the last week. I am also the walking wounded due to the C-section. Any of you who know me will understand that right now I am as agitated as possible. My job for the next 2-3 weeks is to be a food source and to heal. I am more or less banished to the second floor of my house. Guy takes him outside to sit in the shade, walks him all over the house and is really looking forward to putting him in the Baby Bjorn for adventures. In fact, I've decided to share Guy's perspective for once. Below you'll read an email he sent to both our mothers Friday morning (May 21). I warn you, it's hilarious...

Hi all. In case each of you is wondering who the other email addressee is on this, you are the two grandmoms.

Beth Birch in Maine, you remember my Mom, Bunny Vilim, who is on Long Island.

Since the two of you have been nice enough to send emails and pictures to everyone on your respective sides of the family, I'm going to ask you both to keep doing that if people seem interested in updates.

Yesterday Spencer and Katie came home. Katie was feeling good and completely restless in the hospital - and I do mean REST LESS, ie, lacking in rest, without repose, not able to get any peace or quiet - what a madhouse! Her incision is doing well, so is she, and Spencer passed all his tests with flying colors, so we decided it was hi ho, hi ho, it's home from work we go. He had spent most of the last two nights in the room with her, so we also figured we were ready to take it on - you'd be amazed how care for babies in the hospital has changed - well, let's say I was amazed -- (I mention this because I always assume I know everything and therefore also assume that assume that if I don't know something then no one else can possibly know it either - in reality, of course, I'm sure you both know this already, but I'm still interested, so here goes:) I remembered no kids were allowed to visit new babies and basically, the baby stayed in the nursery and the mother stayed in her room - not anymore!! All visitors are now welcome at all ages and the babies are put in the rooms with the moms as much as possible - which I think is great - really allows the parents to get used to the idea of having him while there is still plenty of support around and it allows the nurses to look at how well the new mother is doing and watch for any signs of trouble in her ability to bond and care for him. AHHHH, Progress!!

The trip home, while hugely important and exciting and terrifying for us (I avoided every little bump in the road for the whole, interminable, nerve wracking 5 minutes of the ride), was uneventful when viewed in the overall scheme of the universe - I suppose I have to admit from an objective point of view that WWII and landing a man on the moon were more impressive accomplishments, but only because they had good PR -- the bastards. We got all set up and made a list of things that we needed, like Katie's pain pills, etc., and off Mack and I went to fetch. Up to that point, of course, Spencer had been a dream, gurgling and smiling and working his little arms and legs and napping. Once I was gone though, a reddish devil light descended into him and he turned into demon baby, crying and peeing and waiting til Mommy had his diaper off to deliver a wet and wicked load of baby sludge all over the bedding she had laid out - I knew something was wrong, even from a distance , when I felt a sharp pain stabbing into my back -- I really have to either get rid of that voodoo doll or at least get her some shorter pins.

By the time I made it back, sweet child o' mine had returned and he instantly fell asleep. He woke later and we took a little tour around the backyard, where I showed him all the red flowers in bloom - we realized from seeing him gaze at the Superman emblem (which is red) on one of Katie's tee shirts that he sees red very well and seems to love it - and he was duly impressed by my gardening prowess. No lie, he said so. He stared at the sky, is completely enthralled by changes in light from dark to bright and stares and stares up when we walk him from one light to the next.

Spencer and I then went down to the kitchen to make dinner while Katie napped and grew "The Breasts that Attacked Tokyo" - to say her milk is IN is ridiculous, I think her milk and all the milk of all the mothers in all the world is in there as well - no lie, she looks like one of the balloons from the Thanksgiving Day parade, so I'm afraid to let her outside in a strong wind, she could crash against a building and get hurt (I don't care what they say, those guys holding the wires on the street are only paid minimum wage and I can't see that their hearts are in their jobs, it's a scandal) - and if that happened, where would I be?

After dinner I had a long chat with Spencer, telling him all about all the B_S_ in life (don't worry, it wasn't all business, I took breaks from the serious stuff to laugh and explain the quantum theory of black holes and the time space multi-dimensional nature of the universe we live in but cannot see or truly experience - he seemed either confused by the last part or maybe he disagreed with the theoretical premise I asserted, since he spat up right about here, but they say Einstein was a little slow at first too), but I reassured him that he was going to be ok, because by the time I get done making up all the nonsense I can think of and feeding it to him as gospel truth, he won't know which end is up anyway, so no matter how upside down or ass backwards George Bush makes the world, it will always seem perfectly normal to him. I consider this my sacred duty as his father. Then he took my finger in his hand and squeezed it rhythmically while looking in my face, as if to say, "Thanks for the advice, Dad," and I thought back, "What a sweetie - already working on the curve ball grip I showed him the day he was born" - it doesn't get any better than that, now, does it? Then we watched the Yankees put a ass-whoopin on the California Angels. By the way, Spencer agrees entirely with the decision to get rid of Cracker Jacks at Yankee Stadium and replace them with Fiddle Faddle, but I can't see it, I'm a traditionalist (I mean, it's IN the Song - "Buy me some peanuts and cracker jacks" - Fiddle Faddle doesn't even rhyme). Anyway, I'm trying to make sure this does not cause a permanent rift in our relationship, but he is so stubborn once he gets his back up like this, so I don't know.

After a fitful night, he finally fell asleep around 3 and slept til almost 7, ate, shat, and is now sleeping again. So is Mommy (sleeping, not shitting).

And so it goes. I wonder what adventures we'll have today?

Also, there are pics to look at on my Mac homepage if you haven't already been sent some.

More to come soon, but right now my sleepy baby is lying next to me on the couch and I need to snuggle him before I explode.

The Apple Doesn't Fall Far

Number of strangers today who felt compelled to comment on my pregnancy: 0

This morning Guy spoke with his mother and found out that the birth weights of he and his 4 siblings ranged from 7.5 - 9.5lbs. He was 8.5 lbs.

Later on today my mother called to check in. She spoke with Guy and he told her about the whole birth weight thing and she informed him that she was 8.6lbs.

I did some last minute shopping and bought some "grannie panties" (since I will have an incision on my bikini line, I will have to wear higher cut stuff. No low-riders for me for awhile. I also got stuff to wear in the hospital.

I'm all packed now. I went to Border's too and bought the Story of Ferdinand. It's Guys and my favorite children's book. I wanted to have stuff to read to Spencer in the hospital and couldn't find any portable story books - compilations tend to be big, hardback and heavy. At least I found a really good core book that we know we'll keep forever.

I'm nervous now. It's like all these new things happening at once - my first surgery, my first hospital stay and my first BABY! In 13 hours, I'll have a baby boy in my face! And he's my son! From now until the end. That's so intense.

We're both just killing time until tomorrow. Guy spent all day landscaping and evicting carpenter bees from their homes under our porch. I spent part of the day in the car getting a good drive around and shopping. I confess I had part of a cherry slushee and a Snickers bar. I think I'll be eating mush for the next few days. I had to have some chocolate. I also had eggs bacon and toast this morning. I don't know when I'll get to eat bacon again.

I'm tired cause we didnt' get to bed til late last night and I didn't want to sleep late today. I'd love a nap but I know I'll end up being up all night. All I want is a few good hours of sleep tonight, 'cause I know in the next few weeks it's gonna be rough.

I'm having my last meal until who knows when: chicken and peas and corn follwed by sour cream chocolate chip cake I made yesterday with sugar free vanilla ice cream.

We'll take Mack to our friends' house tonight and finish getting ready for the morning.

I won't be able to write here for a few days, but I plan to detail on paper and transfer when I get back and can put things on my lap again ;)

Here's to new beginnings!

Spencer, OUT!

"Now, in the names of all the gods at once,
Upon what meat doth this our Caesar feed,
That he is grown so great?"
- From Shakespeare's Julius Caesar

Number of strangers today who felt compelled to comment on my pregnancy: 2

Last night I woke up on the couch after having crashed there with Guy, and we went to bed and I tried to go to sleep. You'd think I was just transplanting myself from one sleep surface to another, but I was uncomfortable and anxious, having Braxton Hicks and more or going crazy via worrying. Guy comforted me and we talked until I could get it together and relax a little and finally around 4 I fell asleep. I had to go through it. I had to lose my mind.

This morning (Saturday), Guy sat down with me and showed me a list of questions he'd prepared for us to review with Dr. Brest. It was so cute - he did it like a formal letter. He worked on it this morning while I slept. It was HIS way of going through it. I go crazy, he writes letters and prepares. "Just the facts m'aam".

We spoke with the good doctor and he told Guy to stay away from unreliable Internet information. The truth of it is, we have a big baby, and there are serious possible risks involved with a vaginal birth, and he recommended the Cesarean under the circumstances. He answered all my questions about the procedure and how things would be handled and I feel good.

I will say that I haven't had a whole lotta luck finding reassuring or at least neutral information about C-sections. I will give a thumbs up to a forum I found on babycenter.com. Moms who've had the procedure have given some decent advice about what happens during a C-section, what to expect and what to ask for. It helped me straighten out my thoughts on the matter.

So the long and short of it is that we decided we're going for it, and Monday May 17 is the day.

I am going to nickname my son Ajax.
Ajax was one of the best fighters among the Greeks and was famed for his steadfast courage in the face of adversity. He fought during the Trojan War. We saw Troy tonight with our friends Richard and Cheryl and their daughter Lily. The actor who played Ajax was massive. Spencer doesn't have far to go.

Before we went to the movie we had dinner again at Bertucci's. Oy, has their food tanked in quality. Guy and I got there before our friends but walked through to see if they were already seated. When we found them and sat down, Guy proceeded to tell us that while we were walking through, a couple with a newborn was grabbing at us and trying to make contact..they appeared to know us and were insistent on getting our attention.... "Hello! Hello!"...so much so that they even pointed at their baby as if to say "See we got one!". I hadn't noticed cause I was looking for our friends. I missed the whole thing. We all laughed and I told my "Strangers Will Say the Darndest Things" tales. Later on, Guy pointed them out at their table and it turned out they were a couple from our birthing class. I was SO embarrassed! I waved and felt guilty for not having noticed them. I told Guy on our way home from Dairyland (yummy soft ice cream in Roxborough on the way home from the movie) that if I ever see them again I'll be sure to apologize for our obliviousness.

Note about going to a movie when 9 months pregnant: Bring a footstool or make sure you can put your feet up on someone. By the end of the 160 minute film I almost couldn't put my sandals back on.

It's late now and I am getting sleepy. Tomorrow will be a big day - gotta re-pack, etc. We go in Monday morning at 530 to get set up. 730 is when the procedure starts or as Dr. Brest said, it's "Tee off time". I am SO not a morning person. I hope I'm so tired I'm relaxed. This is my first major surgery of any kind. The only stitches I've ever had were when I had my wisdom teeth out. This is a far cry from wisdom teeth!

Size Matters

The proverbial dung has hit the fan.

Today I woke my pregnant butt up and drove it to the doctor's office for yet another round of "Whose Cervix is Not on First?"

Once finished with the standard conversation about the non-goings on in my body, we agreed that induction would commence next Thursday evening with an infusion of something called Cervidil, to "ripen" my cervix, followed Friday morning by Pitocin and the normal induction procedures to bring on the labor.

Then it was off to the Perinatal Lab for a Biophysical Profile and Non-Stress test to make sure my son was not living la vida loca in my uterus.

The ultrasound was performed by a fairly crabby technician who seemed obsessed with my due date. She was also keen on using the entire bottle of conduction gel on my belly; so much so that I found it on my underwear and pants at the conclusion of the scan. Thanks for the memories, lady.

She said Spencer "passed" the scans just fine and the ultrasound doctor (Dr. McSomething or other) came in to confirm all was well. He asked if my doc wanted the fetal weight and I said "I don't know but I'd love to find out if you have any idea". He went on to tell me that if my doc hadn't ordered it he won't tell me because there is a margin of error which makes it not the most reliable measurement. So much for THAT.

Then down to the next part of the test - the non-stress test, where they monitor the baby's heartbeat, checking for movement and change of pulse during movement. Spencer got wise to this right off the bat and more or less went to sleep. They had me in a fuzzy red Barca lounger with a back that wouldn't stay put. I had two hockey-puck sized apparatus strapped to my belly which the technician had to move when Spencer decided his "left side of mommy's body" hang out was calling him. I was given a button to push whenever he moved. About 15 minutes into it, with things being fairly quiet, the technician (who was sweet and accommodating and spared me the abundance of conduction gel) asked me if I'd been keeping track of his movements each day and actually seemed concerned. I laughed cause this kid has been about as quiet as fireworks. And, as timing would have it, almost on cue he started bopping around and gave the technician all she needed to see. She took her readouts to the doctor and came back herself to tell me I was free and clear to go.

So, happy day for me. Baby good, I'm good, and I now have a deadline scheduled to go have my little man, so he's coming one way or the other. Time to shop!...or just find something light to wear for the next week since it's about 30 degrees hotter than normal. Did I mention it went up to 90 today?

I talked to my friend Donna and was planning to maybe go to a local mall to stroll around but when she talked about how weird it would be if my water broke in the mall and I had to have my baby at King of Prussia, I scrapped the idea and opted for local strip mall instead.

I hit Old Navy for a coupla tank tops and pajama bottoms that were stylish enough to wear out of the house. I bought some groceries and drove around a bit and headed home, where Guy was situating himself after a long day of depositions and "putting my shoe into a witness's mouth". Relaxed and ready to unwind, I found a crossword puzzle from the Philadelphia Inquirer and set myself outside on the chaise to attack it. Guy puttered around the yard and Mack was content to roll around and sniff the grass. Ah, Friday.

After about 30 minutes, suddenly above the din of some Adult Alternative music on WXPN, we could hear the phone ringing. In usual fashion, we ignored it in favor of the answering machine since telemarketers are notorious for calling near dinner time. Guy then thought better of it, thinking it might be the plumber calling back about finishing installation of toilet and sink in our new bathroom on the first floor (a project 6 months in the making). He went in and in moments was leaning out the screen door, waving me in...

"Your doc called and wants you to call him back about the test results today. He said it's nothing to worry about but call him."

NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT?
NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT?
I repeat....
NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT?

I immediately called and got his answering service. The ever-so-helpful-and-kind operator was more than happy to tell me to call back Monday. I almost had an aneurysm on the spot. She was more or less dismissive when I informed her that I was told he wanted to speak to me today and that I was 4 days past my due date. She reluctantly agreed to get him the message and I hung up, distraught. For 10 minutes I tried to go back outside and go back to the puzzle, but it was to no avail. I was WORRYING full steam. What could have happened between the tests and now? Did something show up? Was there not as much amniotic fluid as they thought? Was something amuck?

Back into the house I went, phone in hand and listened to the docs message to see if there was some kind of code I was supposed to give the operator or something so he would get the message. It turns out there was a little subtlety to it that I had not mastered, so I prepared to call again. Guy came in and sat down with me while I called. The operator I got this time was much smoother in her handling of the situation, despite her Benson & Hedges rippled voice. So we sat there for 5 minutes, both of us now WORRYING.

My doc called. By the way I don't know if I've mentioned it, but his name is Dr. Brest. Yes, an ObGyn, and his name is Dr. Brest. The comedy is not lost on me. So, Dr. Brest called back and proceeded to tell me the following...

All the results were fine, and the technicians DID take that fetal weight measurement afterall and the staff physician (Dr. McWhatsajobby) wanted to know if Dr. Brest wanted the info. Apparently with an ultrasound at this time, a larger size baby has weight measurements with a + or - 15% discrepancy. A LARGER SIZE BABY. They measured my baby as being a little over 4500 grams, or about 10lbs.
That's right, people. I may be carrying a 10 pound baby.
Now add or subtract 15% and this kid is somewhere between 8.5 and 12 pounds.
I have a giant baby.
Nowhere do Guy or I know of anyone in our families giving birth to giants.
I called my mom, she doesn't know.
Guy has renamed our son Moby Baby.

The not-so fun part of it is that I now have to decide between a scheduled C-section on Monday the 17th (Dr Brest had a slot for it and scheduled me in case I wanted to do it now) or waiting til induction and seeing what happens. There is no real exact science here, just alot of possibilities.

In the car on the way to pick up steaks and slurpees, Guy asked me to get out a pen and paper and start writing down questions to ask and look up. He's so logical. All I could think about was missing out on labor and having to lie there strapped to a table, and he was making lists. I was thinking about scarring and loss of my fun tummy I used to have and plastic surgeons and whether or not I'd be able to get up and down the stairs, and he was thinking about risks and health benefits. We were clearly Yin and Yang in the Saab with Mack in the backseat slobbering all over us. As I sit here now indulging my slightly clobbered ego, he is reading about C-sections.

So for the next 12 hours or so, we'll be home trying to decide what's best for us and my gigundo son. I already told Guy this kid better be an all-star, the likes of which noone's ever seen. I said "Do you realize by the time he's 4 he'll be taller than me?" to which Guy replied, "He'll be taller than you when he's born. He's already a month old in there". I also now realize that either half or all of the baby clothes folks bought us will probably be too small for him. He'll outgrow his infant seat in a month. I may have to change the name of this blog to "My Life with Hercules". Am I growing a superhero?

This is becoming a real melodrama, no?

Until our next installment, here's an interesting statistic I think I'll post from now on at the beginning of each entry 'til he's born:
Number of strangers today who felt compelled to comment on my pregnancy: 4

Wakey Upey!

I was just instant messaging with my cousin Cindy and we were discussing the delay in Spencer's arrival. Her mother just passed away and she was talking about our late Great Aunt Harriet (we called her "Hab") and how she'd be in Heaven playing cards or whatever. Cindy reminded me about how when we were little Aunt Hab used to have to come get us out of the pool or whatever body of water we'd be swimming in, cause we'd never want to get out. Then Cindy said this:

"Maybe Spencer just needs Hab to give him that final 'OK out of the water!' speech."

My cousin is not one to go into lengthy diatribes or philosophical rants about life and such. Neither was my Aunt Hab. And it suddenly struck me that I haven't mentioned her lately or really thought about her in awhile. I've been so completely consumed in this baby business.

It really would help to have a few words from Aunt Hab right now.

"Wakey Upey" was how she used to try to get me up in the morning. She'd come in and clap her hands and be very enthusiastic. I couldn't take it. I have never been a morning person. Poor woman. She didn't have children of her own and I was like her semi-adopted ruffian since I stayed with her quite often as a child while my mother worked, etc.

She'd definitely have something to say about this situation - she was one of the first female pediatricians in the country. She died in April 2002 after a long battle with Cancer.

Hey Aunt Hab, if you're out there somewhere and you can have some influence over my current situation, I'd be grateful for some wisdom or some kind of kickstart into labor from the Great Beyond...

My "Density"

I woke up at 230 this morning crampy and thinking MAYBE. Then I went back to bed.
At 530 I woke up because it was too hot to sleep in our room. Guy put another fan in the room and by 8 I was getting back into bed to sleep until 930 with visions of Howard Stern partying in Las Vegas (I had the broadcast on this morning in the bedroom so it leaked into my dreams).

Awake by 930, I caved in and did the other curtain I needed to do...still nothing. After I was done, I cleaned up and put the sewing machine away - I felt it was symbolic in some way...started to feel crampy again...got excited. Came upstairs and sat on the couch and my belly was stickin out all wacky. My son's position resembles that of a watermelon swallowed sideways. He's not leaving. They're going to have to go spelunking and get him out. Eww, what's with all the cave references?

Well it's now 1130am. I have less than 24 hours to go into labor and avoid more waiting in doctor's offices. I would like to have him on the 13th. I would like to have him, period. Castor oil is becoming more and more appealing. Who is the child and why is he so content to hang out all cramped inside me? Am I that awesome from the inside out? My uterus must be like a 4-star resort.

The other day while watching a child special on Discovery Health Channel I saw a statistic flashed about average gestation for new moms compared to repeat moms. Apparently there's like a 20 day + difference. It's like 279 days for first time moms and 244 or something for repeat moms. I think that's what it is. How can that be fair? Is that like your biology checking your psychology? "You think you want this? You're gonna WAIT!" It's like the ultimate test of your patience and resolve and fashion sense.

I have no summer maternity clothes. I'm not Kate Hudson or Gwynneth or some starlet with my fancy shmancy designer 300$ maternity belly tees and low rider jeans. In suburban America it is not stylish to have your big old baby belly sticking out in the hot breeze with your belly button stretched out beyond belief and your linea negra appearing like a coffee stain down your middle. Let's not even mention all the surplus hair that's now covering you making you look like you're wearing a flesh colored furball strapped to you.

Have I mentioned I haven't had Dunkin Donuts in months and months?
I am dying for a coffee roll and one of those frozen latte drinks they make now.
I guess I should eat something.

I just read that sex may help bring on labor because "semen contains a natural prostaglandin that helps the cervix to mature, and orgasm stimulates rhythmic contractions of the uterus." This would be a far more entertaining method for "induction" at home than castor oil, no? I'll have to suggest it to Guy and see if he thinks he can help...

Signs

I wonder if my body will do anything to let me know I'm actually in labor.

Today I got my big self out of the house. Not before I talked to Guy's mom and assured her we'd call if anything happened, and not before I got a visit from the gas company threatening to cut off service even though we paid our bill in full a month ago. I was wearing my jammies which hardly cover me and I had to answer the door half covered with a rain jacket Guy has hanging by the door. Talk about self-conscious! Ugh. AND it's like a bezillion degrees out so I'm all hot and gross and semi-draped in blue ripstop nylon and this guy wants to shut of the gas when I'm about to take a friggin shower. Nice timing.

Nonetheless, I got out and went to meet Guy at a client's place of business and we went flower and shrub shopping for our newly manicured lawn. I learned that Rhododendrons are shrubs and Delphiums are plants. Guy says I have a memory block when it comes to plants. I don't know why. Must be something from my childhood. Because everything in life is from childhood. So I better watch it with this kid or he's gonna have a memory block about Rhododendrons.

I will say, one motivating factor today was air conditioning in my car. We don't have central air in the house and no units are up and running yet, so I realized I could get the benefits of AC right in my beetle. Brilliant! I couldn't really get comfy in my car seat, but hey, cars aren't meant for reclining.

So after purchasing some Impatients and Petunias, Guy stopped at 7-11 on the way home to get milk - when he got home he had Slurpees! yumm. I haven't had one since I got pregnant. I hope the baby didn't OD on sugar. We sat in our backyard in the grass. Mack rolled around and sniffed every piece of sod he sat on. We talked about where the new plants and shrubs would go. He got up and sat in the lawn chair and I had to get up by myself. It was like trying to stand up from lying down while carrying a load of wood on your back. I had like NO balance. Ridiculous.

Travesty on American Idol tonight. Guy has officially told the show to Talk To The Hand. He's had it. I don't care. I just want to have a baby.

Strange Instinct: I keep feeling like if I sit down at the sewing machine to finish the curtains, I'll go into labor. I'm tempted to go try but now that I've though about it so much I know nothing will happen. Have I mentioned I'm losing it?

My cousin from California sent us some sweet storybooks.
The card she sent was really funny too. It has a mom in a rocking chair singing "Love Shack" by the B52s to her baby and on the inside it says something like "Any song can be a lullaby"...so clever. I personally plan to sing Beatles songs.
I even have a music box that plays 3 different Beatles songs - my very first boyfriend gave it to me. I'm glad I kept it.

Is itching a sign that labor is coming? What about paranoia and slight halllucination? What does Castor Oil have that so many women will try it to go into labor? I'm getting tempted folks. I really am.

The Daily Show with Jon Stewart is on momentarily. I highly recommend it. Local news is a nightmare, and network news is sorely lacking in common sense and a sense of the ridiculous. I am living ridiculous right now.

And HOT. It's freaking hot in here. That would be another benefit of labor - air conditioned hospital!!!!!!!!!!

The Grass Is Always Greener

...when you first lay down the sod in the backyard.
Yesterday it was a dirt field, now it looks like something out of Home & Garden Magazine. My son has a pretty lawn to crawl around in...IF I EVER GIVE BIRTH!
Mack the pooch rolled around on approximately every piece. I would have but I seriously picture myself stuck on the ground like a cockroach until Guy got home from work...

I watched Birth Day on the Discovery Health Channel and there were two different women - one having her first child and the other having her 4th. They and their husbands talked about how hard it is and how emotional you become when you see your baby's face for the first time. Now I know why. Cause I won't BELIEVE I actually have him outside of my body!

Today I learned about Chaos Theory of childrearing from a family member who called to check in. It's the theory that if you have a chaotic life and don't give the baby some kind of schedule and dependable pattern to follow along with you, the baby will not know night from day and will never sleep and it will be harder to find out when things are really wrong because the baby will always be fussy.

I got some sympathy from a friend calling to see if the doc had found anything new yesterday. I told my belly that everyone's waiting to see him. That doesn't seem to matter cause I tell him all the time. He's not impressed by the attention.

Do you know how HARD it is not to tell people you're pregnant when you're arguing a point? I had Cingular Wireless on the phone today and I was reading a customer service rep the riot act about ridiculous reconnection charges totalling almost 90$ that I don't want to pay. I was this close to yelling, "I AM A PREGNANT WOMAN AND I NEED MY PHONES TO BE WORKING IN CASE I GO INTO LABOR, DO YOU UNDERSTAND HOW CRITICAL THIS IS? DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT IT'S LIKE TO BE PREGNANT? DO YOU?!!!?"
I didn't do it.
They put me on hold for 10 minutes to tell me they were sending me a copy of my contract...I still kept it together. I must be losing it.

Hey, American Idol is on. The theme is disco.
My choice of song would be "Don't Leave Me This Way"
Thank you.

We Don't Need No Stinking Due Date!

I sat in the doctor's office for 90 minutes today. I am 9 months pregnant and I sat in the doctor's office for 90 MINUTES today. I read the following publications:
 Philadelphia Magazine (2 issues)
 Time Magazine
 Newsweek
I tried to nap in the exam room, but it's hard to rest with your legs up in stirrups.

I feel so HEAVY. It's unreal now. Like in the last 2 days it feels like the baby weighs twice what he did last week. Luckily the scale at the docs office says I'm holding steady. I don't know how.

So my doctor finally walks in to see me, and says "So, anything happening?"
I just look at him like he's insane.
He checks for heartbeat and does his weekly probe...nothing doing.
I ask what next. He says "I was hoping you'd tell me"...he's such a joker(grr).
So he starts to consider when my next visit should be and I'm babbling about how I'm almost 7 days overdue and he stops and goes "I have your due date as May 10...we don't go by the due date they give with the later ultrasound, we stick with the earliest one"

MAY 10!!!!!! That's TODAY!!!!!!
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

So there I am, half nekked, stuck to the sanitary paper on the exam seat, being made aware that I've been anticipating the joyous occasion a week early. How much more must I be made to suffer? To quote Guy quoting the Pope in Agony and the Ecstasy: "When will you make an end?!!!"

Guy is having sod put down in the backyard - the men were here today tilling up the soil and cleaning out the yard. Guy drew a "home plate" in the dirt with his foot - he's got plans for our little slugger one day. He's gonna play catch. A man with vision. I can't see past my belly right now.

I'm sitting here on the couch in Mu Mu style. It's getting hotter out and I am uncomfortable in everything. Last year I bought this nightie - it's like an elongated "wifebeater" tee - It actually fits. I can't be bothered with pants anymore, I'm sorry. I've had it with "belly" bras and over the "belly" pants and everything.

The laptop is heating up my thighs and making me even more uncomfortable. I think I'll finish watching the wretchedly edited TV version of Breakfast Club.

Heartburn is imminent. Thank you little chocolate doughnuts!

"Mothers" Day

I slept til noon today. Nothin' doin. Late last night Spencer was kicking and swimming around like a 6 month old fetus, not a 9 month old fetus. I'm starting to wonder if he can't get out.

Guy gave ME a Mother's Day card. Go figure. I'm a mother in theory. I hope I'm not jinxed now. I am definitely starting to worry. Why haven't I dropped? Why is my belly so huge and tight yet my son has all this room to wiggle around and lie in me sideways? Should I eat less so I lose weight and tighten up so he has to come out?
I have another doctor appointment at 3pm tomorrow. I don't want to go. If I could just go into labor I wouldn't have to go!

It's beautiful out today, so I sat outside and read New York Times Magazine - I think I was only outside maybe 45 minutes -- the top I was wearing didn't cover my belly completely and now I have a tan line.
  1. Bad for stretch marks
  2. I look like a dyed easter egg
Not to mention I see the beginnings on my legs of a sun rash that I seem to have developed over the last two years. I think that all started in Spring 2002 before Guy and I went to Mexico - I didn't think we were going so I went tannning. That summer in North Carolina I got the worst bizarre red scratchy rash all over. Now every time I lie out, I get it. If I recall correctly, it goes away if I go out enough but when it first starts it's ugly and hive-like.
Woe is me. I mean it people.

Guy also surprised me today by offering to take me to IHOP. I was ecstatic, but also, I'm a realist. It's Mother's Day and everyone will take their mom there after church or just because it's Sunday. So I think we're going tomorrow. I'm so happy! It's the little things at this point. I think I even recall him saying it was Free Tickle Sunday, so I'll have to take advantage of that later. "Tickle" is a light massage I like on my arms and back. It makes me sleepy and relaxed and quiet. Like a sedative might if I was into drugs. I tell you what, I may be start looking into non-placenta crossing drugs if this pregnancy continues on any longer.

Ever watch the movie G.I. Jane? At about 2 am last night I was watching it. I swear when Spencer's born I'm gonna shave my head and start doing crazy push ups and upsidedown sit ups like Demi Moore did. I might even run around the neighborhood carrying a bllow up raft over my head. Or maybe I'll just push Spencer around in his stroller.

(Chant the following loudly while marching)
"I don't know but I been told
This pregnancy is getting old!
Sound off : Spencer
Sound off : Be born
Spencer be born
Spencer, BE BORN!"

Well if nothing else, there's a new episode of the Sopranos on tonight.