Jaws II Oral Fixation

Say hello to Richard Kiehl. He was the giant actor who played the character "Jaws" in several Bond flicks. Those metal chompers could seriously do damage.

Now, imagine if you will, my reaction yesterday morning when the evil dentist explained to me that the temporary crown I'd be wearing for the next month was going to be made of stainless steel.

Yes, folks, I was a tad distressed. Fast forward to today (now yesterday) and I feel exactly like the picture of Jaws here, only my humour is generally much more sour. One break I suppose: I do not have a lump in the middle of my forehead as far as I know. Regardless, I have as much metal in my mouth as I do on my fingers. That is NOT acceptable.

The dentist told me I'd be experiencing some hot and cold sensitivity.
No duh.
Typically when metal gets hot or cold, things around it get the same. Like, that's why we make most cocktail shakers out of stainless steel - to spread the cold around. When steel gets hot enough, it will actually melt!

Ok and another thing, I can't really chew stuff, so there goes Halloween gorging.
F'ers. I wonder how old I'll be when dentures start to really look attractive. Oh my head.

I saw Spencer for all of 30 minutes this morning. Guy told me today that Spencer is having great bonding moments with his caregivers in daycare. I nearly burst into tears at the thought of some stranger bonding with my son more than I do. Oh, wait, I did cry. Just not out loud. You cannot have your cake and eat it too. It's too much. People who do, have eating disorders and drug problems. I wanted to work full time, so boo hoo.

I need a pedicure and I can't close my mouth. Guess what else? I want to wear my jeans tucked into boots, and all my pants are too flared and sort of too baggy. I need to get snug, tapered jeans. EEEEEEEEEEEEW. Fashion mags are showing tapered jeans slouched/pulled down over flats and heels. It's positively disgusting. Didn't anyone watch the American Bandstand rerun marathons on VH1? Some trends are NOT meant to be repeated. Seriously.

I will now attempt to finish this post before I go totally "cyclops"; meaning I get so sleepy that I can only see out of one eye because the other is closed.

Goodnight and good lunch.

Random Notes

Entertainment:
Napoleon Dynamite is hilarious. See it immediately. You will never look at steak, Kool Aid or glamour photos the same again. A word of warning: If you didn't like Raising Arizona, you definitely will not like this.

If you can't see that, see Garden State. Zach Braff (writer, director and star) has a long future ahead of him IMHO.

I just watched Dolly Parton sing "9 to 5" accompanied by her fingernails on Extra. Oy vey.

Nicole Richie is "bothered" by rumors she has an eating disorder, but, ah, for the record, on Extra there was no outright denial, nor was there an explanation, like "I've been so busy, or 'Simple Life' was all I had and now I'm depressed", or "I have hyperthyroid"...nuttin.

HBO does it again: It took a little bit to get going, but Rome is really getting good. For instance, Cleopatra is a sex-crazed opium addict. You can't miss!

Fashion:
Do not read Lucky magazine. You will start spending money for no good reason.

Why are big belts back, and why did I buy THREE?

Trend alert: Be on the lookout for vest sweaters and cardigans.
fishnet stockings should be all the rage in a month or so and then they'll go the way of the Dodo when women get tired of the pantyhose thing again.

Every accessory addict's dream: www.bagborroworsteal.com

Health and Home:
I hate going to the dentist. Hate it. I can't remember EVER walking out of a dentist's office saying "Wow I feel so much better!"
Speaking of which, when will the Tylenol 3 (with Codeine thank you very much) I took an hour ago fully kick in?

There is a show on HGTV called "How Clean is Your House?": As if most of us aren't already completely self-conscious about how we appear to our friends and neighbors.

My intestines were attacked by a McDonald's milkshake today. No joke.

Codeine update: I think it's starting to set, but I'm not sure.

Best Pizza so far in the area: Cocco's. Don't live near one? Oh well, too bad for you.
Children/FamilySpencer is my son (just in case you didn't know) and he's really cute. He can say "All Done" and "Elmo". He turned eighteen months old yesterday. He's going to a three-year old's birthday party on Saturday and we don't know who the boy is.

Take your kids to Linvilla Orchards before Halloween. They're having a whole pumpkin festival thing with hayrides and apple everything. Just go.

Bono is God (or at least I wish he was)

After much hand-wringing and waiting by the phone, my connection for U2 tickets came through and we saw them tonight. It was their second show at the Wachovia Center, and it was kickass.

Frigging Bruce Springsteen showed up for the first encore. How about them apples? They did some great old songs and of course new ones, AND treated us all to a new song they're working on called "Fast Cars". It had a tango-y Spanish thing going on about it and I'm looking forward to its eventual release.

So we had these crazy nosebleed seats all the way in the top of the joint. I mean it. The very tip top. If you are going to a show there and your tickets are on the mezzanine, you're going to be sitting almost straight up the entire show. I mean, they're playing "I Will Follow" as we're climbing upwards towards our seats, so natch, I turn to Guy and say loudly, "It's more like 'I Will FALL'."

I have to say, I was pretty much on that level of clever all night through.

Something did happen though that's really buggin' me ("I don't mean to bug ya", heh heh). Not 10 minutes into the show, it appears that some ground level section curtains have this weird formation that look like a cross with light coming through. I couldn't stop staring at it. Is this Bono character special in some way? Does U2 have a line in to the big house? Bono is the ONLY rock legend I know of who can sing his face off, keep a beat, engage as many humans in the room as possible and tell you why human rights and world peace are achievable all in the same moment.

I kid you not, the man had a whole stadium full of fans absolutely quiet while he told a story about the song "Miss Sarajevo" and then sang his heart out, including the Pavarotti part! The man can really sing. Brought tears to my oversensitive eyes.

So anyway, back to this cross thing...I've been wondering if Bono isn't the modern day messiah. Then again, I highly doubt the other side of the Wachovia center could see this curtain aberration, so it's probably just me having concert catharsis.

Lesson: When your concertgoing experience leads you to feel as if you've been enlightened, then it probably means it was a good show.