"Who Is They?"

Pregnant women pay attention:

When you have information to discuss with your significant other about advice you've been given, or research you've found, or helplful hints you read in a magazine, BE PREPARED TO BACK IT UP.

During a "playgroup"** walk with some other new mommies yesterday, I learned that I was not the only one forced on the defensive when trying to tell my husband something we should or shouldn't be doing for the baby.

Guy is an attorney - more specifically a trial lawyer, so it isn't surprising that he can be argumentative when I try to present other ways of doing things. But, when I heard that all the other moms present were experiencing the same thing with their partners, I realized there must be more to it than professional background.

Noone wants to be told they're doing something wrong. Now add a "with a baby" to that sentence. Now change it to "with THEIR baby", and it's pretty hot stuff. If you try to tell your mate it's not a good idea to mix milk and formula and feed it to the baby, you better know clinically why, and where you got the information and you should probably know how recently the source reported it.

If you don't have the facts, you better be prepared to eat your words and go back to playing "i got your nose" with the baby for now. Your mate will look at you like you're nuts and tell you there is no justification for what you've said and you will be dismissed. Invoking "a Mother's Intuition" is useless here and will only be acceptable when you've solved something without your partner's involvement, so don't even go there.

You'll be tired and cranky and emotional and post-partumed and feel like it's not fair for your partner to treat you with such disdain, but it's only your partner's way of trying to feel in control of the situation, seeing as how you carried your baby for 9 months and may have a stronger connection in some ways. Plus, your partner may have had more sleep than you and may be more able to think clearly, so it's not necessarily a bad thing to be challenged.

Ugh, when did this become an advice column?
Anyway, just be careful when presenting new information. That's all I'm sayin'.

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**"Playgroup" - All of our babies are barely old enough to keep their heads up and can only focus on us for about 10 minutes straight; they can't even really see other babies yet. The term "playgroup" is used here to define a group of new mothers getting together with their babies, who are in strollers. The mommies walk and talk while the babies nap and look cute.