We Don't Need No Stinking Due Date!

I sat in the doctor's office for 90 minutes today. I am 9 months pregnant and I sat in the doctor's office for 90 MINUTES today. I read the following publications:
 Philadelphia Magazine (2 issues)
 Time Magazine
 Newsweek
I tried to nap in the exam room, but it's hard to rest with your legs up in stirrups.

I feel so HEAVY. It's unreal now. Like in the last 2 days it feels like the baby weighs twice what he did last week. Luckily the scale at the docs office says I'm holding steady. I don't know how.

So my doctor finally walks in to see me, and says "So, anything happening?"
I just look at him like he's insane.
He checks for heartbeat and does his weekly probe...nothing doing.
I ask what next. He says "I was hoping you'd tell me"...he's such a joker(grr).
So he starts to consider when my next visit should be and I'm babbling about how I'm almost 7 days overdue and he stops and goes "I have your due date as May 10...we don't go by the due date they give with the later ultrasound, we stick with the earliest one"

MAY 10!!!!!! That's TODAY!!!!!!
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

So there I am, half nekked, stuck to the sanitary paper on the exam seat, being made aware that I've been anticipating the joyous occasion a week early. How much more must I be made to suffer? To quote Guy quoting the Pope in Agony and the Ecstasy: "When will you make an end?!!!"

Guy is having sod put down in the backyard - the men were here today tilling up the soil and cleaning out the yard. Guy drew a "home plate" in the dirt with his foot - he's got plans for our little slugger one day. He's gonna play catch. A man with vision. I can't see past my belly right now.

I'm sitting here on the couch in Mu Mu style. It's getting hotter out and I am uncomfortable in everything. Last year I bought this nightie - it's like an elongated "wifebeater" tee - It actually fits. I can't be bothered with pants anymore, I'm sorry. I've had it with "belly" bras and over the "belly" pants and everything.

The laptop is heating up my thighs and making me even more uncomfortable. I think I'll finish watching the wretchedly edited TV version of Breakfast Club.

Heartburn is imminent. Thank you little chocolate doughnuts!