If I could time travel...

I'd go to New York City: 1980 - 1982
I'd go to the Village and hob nob with the punkers and go to CBGBs and dance at New Wave Clubs. I'd wear horrendous amounts of neon and black and shop at vintage shops. I think Canal Street Jeans would be in business - I'd hit that spot for SURE!


Maybe I'd run into Blondie or Madonna along the way...

Epilogue: Facebook in the living room with the candlestick

Ok, so I read a book I liked, commented on it on Goodreads, by way of Facebook, and shared my review on this blog, also via Facebook. It in turn apparently posted some links either directly back to Facebook, or to Goodreads. One of THOSE links must have gone to an area where they ask for your info or permission to add their app if you're coming from an FB* page.

My head is spinning. That whole debacle needs to be diagrammed like a genealogy chart.

So then, Google and friends** on this WWW thingy we're all using, determined there was something bad coming off my site and shot up warnings to visitors. Scary. All that time I spent, when all I had to do was check out that post and take out the links. Why didn't someone just see that and tell me? Would it have been so hard? Oy.

And now the hidden moral in this story: Make sure you say what you mean to whom you want to say it. Don't depend on someone or some THING to do it for you. They'll put their own spin on it ;)

And goddammit, wouldn'tcha know it, I came online to finally organize my small little wine collection and got distracted by little side dramas. This ALWAYS happens. Suddenly it'll be 10pm and I'll wake up with my head on the desk wondering what happened.

There's a moral there of some sort as well. However, I can only afford one per post during these hard times, and I don't have the time to think of one cause I'm not supposed to be here right now(insert emoticon of me sticking tongue out)!

The End.

ps. New Guilty Pleasure: I get a kick out of putting Legos together. Spencer has been asking for the Star Wars Death Star since he first saw it like in August of last year. I'm at the point where I think I'd buy it if we could afford it — just so I could say I could put it together.


*FB = Facebook
**friends = Any various search engine/algorithm-y utility that monitors sites we all access

ATTACK of the web clutter

Whatever.

I haven't posted here in awhile, and I guess it's on me that suddenly Google (who owns Blogger, the tool I use to publish here) is blocking access and saying there is "Badware" somehow causing problems for users. HUH?

I'm being told to review my source code, but if I go to the site, I get blocked from accessing it.
This is like Irony, Catch 22, Murphy's Law and who knows what else, all balled up in one bad web experience.

I think I need to purge.
I have a Facebook page, a Twitter account, Blogger, two hosted sites, two photo gallery pages, and countless email accounts, Instant Messaging and poor eyesight.

I'm so overwhelmed I don't even have anything else to say. I want to run screaming.

My apologies to anyone having trouble when accessing my site. I swear I have NO idea what's happening.
If you access my site and something like malware or a bad weird link shows up, let me know.

ugh.

Now reading this...

Dead Until Dark by Charlaine Harris


Watching the HBO series True Blood inspired me to check this out. Fun, fast reading. I may continue on with the series of books once I finish the other two books I've been reading for two + months...

Toe in the Water

Testing mobile access... Check 1,2
_______________________________________________________

Holy Creeaaap it worked. AND it worked FAST. Ah, modern technology. They made this thing faster since I last posted regularly. I feel like someone's grandmother. "Next thing you'll be tellin' me they got the time travel!"

It's actually not far off. They have nano-tvs already, so who knows. Unless that particle blaster underground wherever that is turns Earth into a black hole - then it's all for naught.

I have complaints to register, but since I'm getting all cozy in this post, I'll save it for the next one.

For now, a small victory in getting things up and running again.

Ah HA!!!!!

I can update the blog from my phone, etc.
Checkout twitter.com

Not useful or relevant for some, but for self-absorbed ranters like moi, it makes indulging the "pen" easy peasy. I love iPhone and I love Apple and I love "The Internets".

I Was A Teenage Spencer Lexicon

dis! = What is this?
mies! = Mine!
crickeh-noise = Cricket Noise, or, "Please read The Very Quiet Cricket by Eric Carle"
monters=monsters
jackeh-off = Take your jacket off please
tefone=Telephone
leddurhs!=Letters! I will take a bath now! (we have these foam alphabet and numeral forms that stick to the tile. He loves to throw them in while the water fills the tub.
wawa = Water, please.
iduvu = I love you*

* my personal favorite

I May Be Hysterical But I'm Not Crazy!

It's real.

See this?

This is the Holy Grail of snack foods.

Koogle Chocolate Peanut Spread.

You put this on a Saltine cracker, and by golly, you'll be the happiest kid on the planet. I have brought this up in many a nostalgia conversation, only to be stared at blankly. I thought it was called 'Google' or 'Googles' - I mean look at the googly eyes! But finally someone in some forum somewhere had a full topic devoted to it and through the use of the real Google, I found it.


I'm delirious! I'm ecstatic!
I'm crushed. Kraft hasn't made it since 1970-something.
So I did what any civic-minded mother would do: I emailed them and asked for it to be brought back. I'm sure they'll get right on it...after they finish with whatever sale or merger they're completing.


And look! I found another gem from my youth!
Les Fleurs, by Alyssa Ashley - an alternative to Love's Baby Soft.

This perfume got me compliments from boys at a time when I thought I was a tomboy ugly duckling punka wannabe. It smelled sweet as I recall, and cool and fruity but not like candy. I could buy it out of the box somewhere but it's probably as old as I am.

Yep, I wrote to that company too. I mean why not? Two sensory joys from my youth reappear in one evening; there is NO way I'm gonna let this slide. And for anyone who found either of these here by Googling the terms, shoot me a line and let's lobby together to get them both back!

If we're going to have to wear straight-leg jeans again, I think we at least deserve to see other retro things that we actually LIKE!

Ok, next month, I'll talk about wedge heels, my son's love of Christmas songs in February(fitting since decorations are still up on the house), and why New York City is the greatest place on Earth that doesn't have blue water.

Holiday in a Nut(krackee)shell

Ok, 1,2,3, Christmas came on hard and fast and caught me unawares.
The tree was up and decorated before I could even say "PLEASE CLEAN UP ALL THAT DANG POPCORN!" (in our house, a popcorn garland on the tree is as necessary as March of the Wooden Soldiers after Thanksgiving. Nutcrackers lined the mantle and had my son singing a song of six nutcrackers every day. Now, I have none of these things we call "traditions", except for trying to make sure I gorge on lobster as much as possible.

I bought all Guy's presents in like two days and we did Spencer the week before, and wrapped all the presents Christmas Eve. We had a dinner party for Guy's office the night before Christmas Eve which snuck up on me like the flu. Luckily, Guy is the party planner, decorator, chef and host for these events, so I just dress nice and act like Spencer's mom. We did Xmas eve together and Spencer got all of Christmas Day and I mean the WHOLE day. Thank god toddlers nap.

We had trickle-down extendo-Christmas with relatives - I didn't see mine until January 2 and we just drove up to and back from Long Island yesterday to see Guy's family.

As far as I can tell, we're done. We haven't had the lights lit in a few days but they're still out there and while Guy has magically gotten the tree out of the house before it blanketed the corner of our living room with a lush blanket of pine needles, the lights I fear will linger on our yard until March, at which time we'll be having our Sopranos "New Season" Party, and we'll be able to light them for effect.

Speaking of NEW: Howard Stern will re-emerge on Sirius Satellite in a few hours, and we're ready. I can technically broadcast the satellite signal in my house to radios. Bye Bye Terrestrial Radio! I am nearly weeping with glee. Which reminds me, don't watch Extreme Home Makeover. You'll cry with happiness for the family who gets all the goodies, and then you'll spit with jealousy over the AWESOME digs these people get while you're sitting in your lounge chair with springs boinging out of it.

More Spencer Vernacular to come. He's almost onto sentences and yesterday spent the entire day carrying around a little book about Santa Clause and a mini-tarot card guide. He looked like a little missionary at Guy's parent's house. He would not put them down. If you ask him his name, he says "Book". I am not kidding.

Segue #2: Bad "fortunes"... To start off the new year right, my PC crashed and from my conversation/testing with Dell (which cost about 200 for the year) today, I determined my hard drive was erased during whatever event caused the crash. I am starting over in 2006 and it appears to be the case whether I like it or not.

Spencer Lexicon, v.2

checkup=ketchup
chain=train
chee=tree
happen=what happened?
hep=help
mets or metch=mine
woowoo=train
wiggles= Eagles

There are more every day.

Spencerese on Planet Earth

Arella=Cinderella
Baws=Balls
Increnals =Incredibles
KeeKees = Candy Canes
Krackee=Nutcracker
Srek =Shrek
Tractee=Tractor
Up=Put a movie on

Ok, while I sit here typing, I am watching a DVD borrowed from a friend at work.
The subject? Duran Duran Live in Japan, either late 2004 or early 2005. There was an interview and now we're into the concert.

I'm sorry, but it appears they're just using the Japan shows as rehearsal time and it's all awkward. The energy is lacking, the backing vocals are sampled instead of live, and they all keep checking with eachother - almost like they're testing stuff. Weird. Made me wonder if other big bands do that - go to other countries to "rehearse" their live shows before they bring 'em here. Ok what the...they're singing What Happens Tomorrow and there's a WHOLE bridge/verse/segue thing I've never heard. AND they are really lacking as a live act. They should not have filmed this or let it get out to the public. I've never been so critical. I feel like a traitor. Please forgive me.

Now, on the other hand, Simon's voice is MUCH stronger and clearer than I've ever heard it(despite being pitchy). Would I still like to kiss him? The 13-year old inside me says YES!

When I go to give Spencer a kiss we go "mmmmmmm wa!"
The other day, he kept pushing Guy and I together so we would kiss. It was the best.
What is NOT the best, is when your 19 month old hurls ornaments in the Christmas store.
I have never been so embarrassed or laughed so hard.

Duran Duran, come back and play my town again and take me out dancing.
Spencer, don't grow up too fast.
Katie, go to bed, you're making NO sense.
Domo Aregato

Dental Independence

Well, it's been while. Not all that long in normal human time, but where
toddlers are concerned it's been an age.

This morning, I was summoned to the bathroom by my beaming, foaming at the
mouth husband, who pointed down and to my left as I walked in the room.
There, standing at the side of the sink on a toddler-made stepstool, was my
boy, with my toothbrush sticking out of his mouth, using his hand to make
the motions of a little boy brushing his teeth.

I am flabbergasted even writing it down.
My son was brushing his teeth with his father this morning.
I don't know whether to be proud of this development, or to mourn the loss
of his innocence.

People, my son is a boy.
He even knows the Eagles cheer, except he says "Wiggles" at the end instead
of "Eagles".

Time really does fly.
I'm afraid next he'll be asking for car keys. Oh wait he does do that, only
he hasn't the strength to turn the key in the ignition yet.
I'm sure that will be next week after he figures out how to take milk out of
the fridge and leave it on the floor with the door open...

Dear Frito Lay:

Crunchy Cheetos are potentially the world's greatest snackfood.
I have only one issue to raise: The orange residue or "cheesidue" left on my
thumb and forefinger after delighting in these crispy delectables.

Sirs, we can put a man on the moon, clone dogs and make it seem like pop
stars are singing live before thousands when they are silently miming to a
pre-recorded track. Certainly, you must be able to concoct some formula that
makes it possible for me to snack on Cheetos AND continue working at my
computer without turning the keys a brighter shade of vermillion.

I look forward to your response, and or the release of New and Improved
Non-Shmutzing Cheetos.

Gastronomically Yours,
Hysterical Female

Jaws II Oral Fixation

Say hello to Richard Kiehl. He was the giant actor who played the character "Jaws" in several Bond flicks. Those metal chompers could seriously do damage.

Now, imagine if you will, my reaction yesterday morning when the evil dentist explained to me that the temporary crown I'd be wearing for the next month was going to be made of stainless steel.

Yes, folks, I was a tad distressed. Fast forward to today (now yesterday) and I feel exactly like the picture of Jaws here, only my humour is generally much more sour. One break I suppose: I do not have a lump in the middle of my forehead as far as I know. Regardless, I have as much metal in my mouth as I do on my fingers. That is NOT acceptable.

The dentist told me I'd be experiencing some hot and cold sensitivity.
No duh.
Typically when metal gets hot or cold, things around it get the same. Like, that's why we make most cocktail shakers out of stainless steel - to spread the cold around. When steel gets hot enough, it will actually melt!

Ok and another thing, I can't really chew stuff, so there goes Halloween gorging.
F'ers. I wonder how old I'll be when dentures start to really look attractive. Oh my head.

I saw Spencer for all of 30 minutes this morning. Guy told me today that Spencer is having great bonding moments with his caregivers in daycare. I nearly burst into tears at the thought of some stranger bonding with my son more than I do. Oh, wait, I did cry. Just not out loud. You cannot have your cake and eat it too. It's too much. People who do, have eating disorders and drug problems. I wanted to work full time, so boo hoo.

I need a pedicure and I can't close my mouth. Guess what else? I want to wear my jeans tucked into boots, and all my pants are too flared and sort of too baggy. I need to get snug, tapered jeans. EEEEEEEEEEEEW. Fashion mags are showing tapered jeans slouched/pulled down over flats and heels. It's positively disgusting. Didn't anyone watch the American Bandstand rerun marathons on VH1? Some trends are NOT meant to be repeated. Seriously.

I will now attempt to finish this post before I go totally "cyclops"; meaning I get so sleepy that I can only see out of one eye because the other is closed.

Goodnight and good lunch.

Random Notes

Entertainment:
Napoleon Dynamite is hilarious. See it immediately. You will never look at steak, Kool Aid or glamour photos the same again. A word of warning: If you didn't like Raising Arizona, you definitely will not like this.

If you can't see that, see Garden State. Zach Braff (writer, director and star) has a long future ahead of him IMHO.

I just watched Dolly Parton sing "9 to 5" accompanied by her fingernails on Extra. Oy vey.

Nicole Richie is "bothered" by rumors she has an eating disorder, but, ah, for the record, on Extra there was no outright denial, nor was there an explanation, like "I've been so busy, or 'Simple Life' was all I had and now I'm depressed", or "I have hyperthyroid"...nuttin.

HBO does it again: It took a little bit to get going, but Rome is really getting good. For instance, Cleopatra is a sex-crazed opium addict. You can't miss!

Fashion:
Do not read Lucky magazine. You will start spending money for no good reason.

Why are big belts back, and why did I buy THREE?

Trend alert: Be on the lookout for vest sweaters and cardigans.
fishnet stockings should be all the rage in a month or so and then they'll go the way of the Dodo when women get tired of the pantyhose thing again.

Every accessory addict's dream: www.bagborroworsteal.com

Health and Home:
I hate going to the dentist. Hate it. I can't remember EVER walking out of a dentist's office saying "Wow I feel so much better!"
Speaking of which, when will the Tylenol 3 (with Codeine thank you very much) I took an hour ago fully kick in?

There is a show on HGTV called "How Clean is Your House?": As if most of us aren't already completely self-conscious about how we appear to our friends and neighbors.

My intestines were attacked by a McDonald's milkshake today. No joke.

Codeine update: I think it's starting to set, but I'm not sure.

Best Pizza so far in the area: Cocco's. Don't live near one? Oh well, too bad for you.
Children/FamilySpencer is my son (just in case you didn't know) and he's really cute. He can say "All Done" and "Elmo". He turned eighteen months old yesterday. He's going to a three-year old's birthday party on Saturday and we don't know who the boy is.

Take your kids to Linvilla Orchards before Halloween. They're having a whole pumpkin festival thing with hayrides and apple everything. Just go.

Bono is God (or at least I wish he was)

After much hand-wringing and waiting by the phone, my connection for U2 tickets came through and we saw them tonight. It was their second show at the Wachovia Center, and it was kickass.

Frigging Bruce Springsteen showed up for the first encore. How about them apples? They did some great old songs and of course new ones, AND treated us all to a new song they're working on called "Fast Cars". It had a tango-y Spanish thing going on about it and I'm looking forward to its eventual release.

So we had these crazy nosebleed seats all the way in the top of the joint. I mean it. The very tip top. If you are going to a show there and your tickets are on the mezzanine, you're going to be sitting almost straight up the entire show. I mean, they're playing "I Will Follow" as we're climbing upwards towards our seats, so natch, I turn to Guy and say loudly, "It's more like 'I Will FALL'."

I have to say, I was pretty much on that level of clever all night through.

Something did happen though that's really buggin' me ("I don't mean to bug ya", heh heh). Not 10 minutes into the show, it appears that some ground level section curtains have this weird formation that look like a cross with light coming through. I couldn't stop staring at it. Is this Bono character special in some way? Does U2 have a line in to the big house? Bono is the ONLY rock legend I know of who can sing his face off, keep a beat, engage as many humans in the room as possible and tell you why human rights and world peace are achievable all in the same moment.

I kid you not, the man had a whole stadium full of fans absolutely quiet while he told a story about the song "Miss Sarajevo" and then sang his heart out, including the Pavarotti part! The man can really sing. Brought tears to my oversensitive eyes.

So anyway, back to this cross thing...I've been wondering if Bono isn't the modern day messiah. Then again, I highly doubt the other side of the Wachovia center could see this curtain aberration, so it's probably just me having concert catharsis.

Lesson: When your concertgoing experience leads you to feel as if you've been enlightened, then it probably means it was a good show.

Gettin' My Job On

I am officially a full-time employee.

After a month of building my confidence, contracting at a warm and fuzzy family-like mortgage company, I am now staking my claim to a cubby on the third floor of a very cool office building in King of Prussia. The company leasing this building develops and maintains ecommerce sites for a variety of different retail entities. I'm doing some graphic design for these sites. I suppose you could say it's the icing on the career cake I've been baking for the last five years or so. I'm pretty psyched.

For one thing, I can wear flip flops and listen to music while I work. Sweet. If I am starting to sound like Eric Cartman it's because so far, things are pretty ideal. I know it won't be all roses and rainbows, but this is kind of a dream come true. Here's why:

My customer service skills are to die for, and I can be patient long after others have given up. Perhaps it's the masochist in me, I don't know, but I rock the client relations. And I don't like it one bit. I hate calling people and taking calls. I've mellowed enough in the last decade so that I don't die when I have to do it. There was a time when I swore up and down that I would not work jobs where I had to call people or answer phones and I even vaguely recall my inability to keep it to myself in interviews despite how ignorant I might have sounded.

And now I'm in the position where I don't have to answer phones or help customers directly.
Am I pinching myself? Absolutely. My own cubby for the first time in years, funky cool people with tattoos and decent taste in entertainment, great food and perks...I'm the king of the world!

No I'm not. I am amazing though...
I was thinking tonight, that my body is looking better and better. Then I realized what my body did over a year ago. Along with an eyedropper or so full of my husband's DNA, my body created another human being. A little boy who now says "Elmo", "All done", "Out", "Knock knock"(a variation really(ock ock), but it counts. A little boy who; is learning how to put on shoes, can hold a spoon pretty darn well, runs, draws, tries to read books, rides on the tractor with his dad, pretends to drive our cars, puts on my sunglasses and may actually be forming a real relationship with Mack. He'll be in school in no time and I'll be wondering where the years went.

Halloween is in 16 days, my birthday's in 13 and U2 is in 2.
Tick tick tick tick...

Back to School Smell

It's finally fall. It's cold enough at night that we can close the windows, and this morning, we actually had the heat on for the first time since we moved here. Earlier in the day, I had this overwhelming wish that I could go back in time to high school...

Canine Interruptus: JESUS, mary and joseph! Mack just came clicking in here (bedroom with hardwood floors and no area rug) and flumphed (yes I made it up) down on the floor. If that didn't wake Spencer, nothing should.

Anyhoo, as I was saying before Paws: The Return, I wish I was back in school. High school.
I wish I had books and homework and projects and reports. I can't walk into a single drug store without being attacked from all sides by notebooks of every size, shape and color, and it makes me nuts.

Ok this is lame, I am suddenly falling asleep. Blogger, why do you make me so sleepy? Stop snuggling me!

Ok, now I forget what I was going to write. I actually just tried to write with one eye open. I can no longer think or write.

Long and short of it all: I want school supplies.

GRAVITY SUCKS: A Lecture

I saw it coming but didn't pay attention to my own instinct - trying not to be such a worryer.
I was in Spencer's room, changing the sheets and he was all cute in just his diapers, toddling between his room and the guest room. I checked to see what he was up to and stepped out into the hallway to see him standing at the top of the stairs looking down. I said to him, "You sit down if you're going down. You know how." He seems to always listen when I say that, or turn around and just start getting into position to go down the stairs. This time he turned around all smiley face and went back into the guest room...

I turned to the crib and just got started pulling up the bedskirt when I heard the worst noise I have ever heard in my life: The thundering thuds of my son falling down the stairs. I was out the door and down the stairs as he began to stand up at the bottom, screaming. My brains scrambled in panic as I watched my little boy go through pain, shock and fear all at once.

Immediately I began to check him out and screamed to Guy to come. He came in and picked Spencer up and held him gently. He'd bitten his tongue or lip so there was a little blood on his tongue and was moving his right arm gingerly, but other than that, he seemed ok.

My next instinct was to run to the kitchen to get ice. Why is that? What good is that going to do for a little guy who would just as soon throw it at the dog? Guy took him out to the tractor and sat with him on it. Then he took him inside after some calm settled, and sat with him in front of a picture and part of the alphabet painting I did. I got water and ice cream and we coaxed him back to normal, with some residual sniffles and whines over his sore mouth. He was pretty much back to normal after a little while and went to bed like a little angel.

All fun and jokes aside:

PLEASE put the safety gates up if you haven't already. Even if they're getting really good at the stairs, it doesn't matter. You NEVER EVER EVER want to hear what I heard or see your child freaked out like that. It is the worst. I couldn't even look at the stairs right for an hour. I hated them and myself for not being on top of him to keep him safe.

And that's the deal, folks. You can't always keep them safe, but you can do as much as you can and make sure they know you love them too.

Damn, I love that little boy.

New Kids on the Block Party

Well, we're suburbanites for real now. We experienced our first block party.
There were blockades, but why?
Not ONE car came speeding down adjacent streets looking for a way thru to another road.
We had our grills in the street for chrissakes.

Guy whipped up some ribs, tout suite, and I bought freezer pops and made Bay Breezes. The new kids on the block were a big hit. And of course, Spencer had the run of the land. He was this way and that. I think I got about 15 minutes total for sitting and eating. He likes to go down slides face first, likes to climb under tables and play peekaboo, and is learning how to fake me out when I stand in front of him to block him. If he doesn't become some kind of amazing athlete, I'll be SHOCKED.

I think we're being watched too. One of our neighbors was buddy buddy with the previous owner and she's reporting our activities. Kind of weird meeting a new neighbor who casually tells you she's got her eye on you. It's a little freakish. Like we're under surveillance.
Everyone here is involved in education on some level too. There's like at least 3 teachers, one retired bus driver and a counselor. I have half a charter school in my backyard!

So I imagine there will be much recipe swapping and front lawn chatter in the coming months. At the VERY least, there will be many a neighbor coming by to marvel at Guy's landscaping creations - they're already envying his skill. God help us if the less technically inclined fellas get wind of the craftsman's garage we have going. He'll never get the sawdust out of his ears.

I, on the other hand, am perfectly content looking cute, chasing the boy around and making drinks like a good wife should. If they need a Web site worked on or can't figure out why their computers won't work, they know where to find me ;)